Of course it's happening inside your head

30 Jan - Overthinking

2012-01-30T23:36:00.000Z

It is not a good sign when I lose motivation for blogging on only my third post of the year. I think my problem is that I have a lot to say but, when it comes down to writing it, I falter and decide maybe my thoughts are best just staying in my head. And a lot of the time this is true.

I also tend to procrastinate when it comes to blogging because I know I actually have to engage my brain in some kind of cognition when all I want to do is watch TV box sets and cuddle on the sofa with my husband (which we have been doing a lot lately. In fact between watching all six seasons of Dexter so far and almost all of The Big Bang Theory I pretty much feel like I have grown some kind of abnormal attachment disorder to it. This probably isn't good for my mental health when I know I should be going out more but... box sets are cool.)

I think part of my worry about blogging, and vlogging as well, is that it sometimes seems that causing conflict has become the norm in social interaction i.e. saying something controversial and waiting for the discussion to begin. And, while I am a big believer in freedom of speech, I don't think that having opinions and expressing them necessarily has to come from a position of conflict. In fact I wish we lived in a world where more debates were had but with less of the negative intention. I don't want to inspire people to anger or annoyance, rather I want to promote discussion and exploration of complex topics.

Apparently this blog has - in a matter of three paragraphs - transformed from a blog about not having motivation or inspiration for what to write to deep thoughts about how I would like to be perceived by others which, let's face it, is a bit much for 11:30pm on Monday night.

16 Jan - What a way to make a living

2012-01-16T21:28:00.000Z

I am sure I've used this title before but doesn't Dolly Parton just say it all. I could go for 9 - 5 but I usually work about 7:50 to 4:50 and that just isn't quite as catchy...

Segway.

I try not to write about my job all that often on the internet and this is for two main reasons:

a) I admit that i use the internet to vent and venting about work on the internet is the last thing you want to do. Having "I didn't mean it like that" conversations because you forgot to put a kiss on the end of your friend's @ reply is one thing, but I draw the line at a disciplinary for the sake of unwinding at the end of the day.

b) I am one of those people who stews over things in the middle of the night regardless of whether I have tried to bring my work home with me or not. The curse of having acute anxiety problems is that your brain does tend to decide for itself when it wants to remind you of all the things you could have done better at work that particular week.

However, today I am making an exception because I got a really good phone call from my line manager Nicola. After working as a part time substantive member of staff for 3 years and 4 months, and then filling in my extra hours with agency work since May 2011, I have finally got what I have desired for a long time... I am now a full time substantive communications officer for NSFT.

On a day when I was feeling down for various yawn-inducing reasons, Nicola's call officially offering me... well... my own job essentially, was a good reminder about why I don't sit on the computer and moan about it every evening: because I help make a difference to people's lives, I respect my colleagues and I do a good job... hopefully!

8 Jan - Keeping calm and carrying on

2012-01-08T18:02:00.000Z

'A new year means a new start'... or something like that.

Usually I get so hung up on this 'starting again' malarkey that I simply end up wallowing in a pit of despair before January is out, concerned that I haven't changed enough things in my life yet for the better like I promised I would on January 1st. So, this year I have tried to have a more positive attitude towards things:

The idea of 'a new start' suggests there is something about your previous year that needs changing. that wasn't good enough either for yourself or for others. And while God knows that is true for me in a lot of ways, in many other ways I don't want to start again. In fact I put a lot of time and energy into being more positive, pushing myself, challenging my thoughts, developing new work ethics. I don't want to forget all that happened - the risk is too high to my mental wellbeing! - I want to continue and build upon what I achieved last year.

I have decided that I will, for a change, adopt the wartime motto - the one that has come back into popularity since everyone's finances went tits up - of 'Keep Calm and Carry On'.

I am now 8 days into January and, while I still feel a bit down as I always do at this time of year, I do feel that fraction more able to cope with life. And at the moment, a fraction is like a whole miles worth of progress.

52:52 Resolutions

2011-12-31T11:20:00.001Z

It is fitting that my last blog, on the last day of the year should be my resolutions for 2012. The goals I am setting myself to achieve. I am only doing internet related ones this year as personal ones are, well, personal... and not really things you should judge yourself on. These will probably change over the next few weeks but here goes:

Write at least three blogs posts a month, which are more than three paragraphs in length, on my blogspot.
Film, edit and publish six videos on my personal Youtube channel
Film, edit and publish, with James, at least six videos on He Said She Said's Youtube channel, and achieve at least five comments for each
Start a regular, professional looking He Said She Said newsletter, and gain at least ten subscribers. Send at least five newsletters during 2012.
Learn to crochet to a semi-professional standard and sell at least five items on Etsy.com

FYI these are kind of SMART but obviously in business planning we would be adding percentages and not having wooly language like 'semi-professional standard'. Just wanted to make sure people don't think this is the standard of my communications planning!

Thanks for reading this yearand heres to next year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

52:51 Almost there!

2011-12-31T11:20:00.000Z

For my penultimate blog I am going to answer all the questions that my friend Kim sent me to blog about last night:

What are you looking forward to next year? I am looking forward to seeing my nephew grow, to having a wonderful wedding in November, and to moving from a rented flat to a rented house.

What are you doing today? Today we are travelling to Long Eaton in Derbyshire to attend my friends Michelle and Paul's New Year's Eve party!

What has life with Athena been like? She is a wonderful, loving and affectionate cat who pesters me, annoys me and irritates me to no end.... but who I love for her personality and adorableness nevertheless.

Favourite new music this year? Caro Emerald.

Favourite film of the year? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two!! Are we surprised? Didn't think so!

What is it like being an auntie? Being an auntie is one of the most important roles I will ever fulfill and I am proud to have such a wonderful nephew.

Favourite book of the year? I really enjoyed one that my dad lent me called The Martian Race.

What has your first year as a wife been like? The perfect start to forever.

I am still blogging next year so leave more questions for me if you fancy it!!

52:50 Highlights of the year

2011-12-31T10:53:00.000Z

Seeing Wizard of Oz in the West End (minus the Dorothy that we wanted unfortunately - who said the main star is allowed a day off?)
Seeing the final Harry Potter film at a midnight showing
Going to KAPOW Comic Con with kim and Ross, including James speaking to Chris Hemsworth and us all cosplaying on day 2
Going to Disneyland Paris with Kim and Ross (we have lots of good times with them) and queue jumping with Kim's work pass!
Watching our wonderful nephew grow and become amazingly smart. He is walking, feeding himself, interacting, learning... and he is freaking adorable
Starting to plan our wedding together
Seeing my first IMAX film
Going to full time at work and commuting between two locations
Renting our first flat together and adopting our cat Athena!
Getting my first tattoo
Getting my first tattoo further inked
Getting my engagement ring

52:49 Being SMART

2011-12-31T10:42:00.000Z

This is going to sound ridiculously boring of me... but I am using SMART objectives to plan my New Year's resolutions. Stick with me here!

First off, if you don't know SMART objectives they are used for business planning processes. I use them when i write communications plan... I haven't managed to get to the stage of perfect evaluation yet but hey, perhaps that can be a resolution. Anyway a SMART objectives is a goal that is: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-relevant.

So for me I guess all my resolutions will be to complete within a year so that is 'time-relevant' crossed off. Measurable is important because that is how you know you've completed your goal and - along with specific - how successfully. So for example I set myself a goal to write 52 blogs however I didn't specify what length or quality... meaning you have ended up with a gazillion mediocre blogs in the space of a few days.

Achievable and realistic are also important for me. No point in challenging myself to write 365 blogs because, interesting though that would be, considering my failure this year I don't think it is entirely realistic! 52 blogs, while I struggled, was at least achievable!

I am still formulating my resolutions, so perhaps they will be my last post. but hopefully they will be more sensible than in previous years!

52:48 Kim and Ross

2011-12-31T10:37:00.000Z

As you know, yesterday I posted a blog about having writer's block. After this my friend Kim text me lots of ideas to write about including "Write about your favourite people cough us cough". And so that is what I am going to do... write about my wonderful friends Kim and Ross.

Kim I have been friends with for 11 years. She is a tall, excitable German whose years living in England has giving her an adorable half German/half British accent. My favourite is when she says 'bloody' because she has no idea how cute she sounds. Kim is my best friend and one of my two bridesmaids at my wedding. This is because she has helped me through a lot of tough times when not many people were around. And despite living far away from me in Brighton she is consistently there for me as a non-judgemental, understanding friend.

Ross I have known for about 2 and a half years but it feels like much more. He is a puffy-haired Brightonian whose love for all things geekery meant it was an easy match with Kim, and, of course, us! Ross' excitement in nerdy endeavors has led James and I to attend our first comic-con and me my first IMAX film! Ross is groomsman at our wedding and is already discussing stag-dos with the best man. He is a wonderful friend and although I have only known him for a short time he is one of my closest friends whom I trust with my life.

So there is that sappy bullshit.

52:47 Writer's block

2011-12-30T19:34:00.000Z

Can you believe it? Just five little blogs to go and what do I get? Yep. Writer's block. I have declined into an unmotivated state of despair and find myself completely at a loss of what to write about. Which has led to, as you can see, a ranty blog about my inability to blogs. Apparently it is a favourite topic of mine - who knew?

I guess I am starting to think now what my project should be for next year. I didn't do so great on my blog project this year but then I have been suffering depression (not any more thankfully) and acute anxiety... and since I have a wonderful cognitive behavioural therapist that is helping me get better maybe next year I will do better.

It is one for me to think about...

52:46 Presents! (Part three)

2011-12-30T18:40:00.000Z

My presents!!

Hairclips
Baileys
Executive wheelie briefcase
Crochet book andstarter set
Cineworld vouchers
2 x tights
Peroni
Diffuser
Earrings x 2
Earring/necklace set
Watercolours
Watercolour book
Canvas paint pad
Perfume
Hot chocolate mug set
Acrylics set
Bayliss toilettries
Vintage hairstyle book

52:45 Presents! (Part Two)

2011-12-30T18:34:00.000Z

James' presents:

£45 Amazon gift voucher (which is now Captain America on Blu-Ray, Rayman on Xbox and Series 6 of How I Met Your Mother)
Spider-man tie clip
Ticket to Ride (US version)
Pear cider
Gender wars game
Spider-man belt
Pack of underpants
Thor on Blu-Ray
Dr Who tshirt
Snoopy Christmas tshirt
Christmas underpants

52:44 Presents! (Part One)

2011-12-30T18:31:00.001Z

Welcome to Presents! (Part One)... because I am trying to eek this out remember? I am only 8 blogs of achieving my goal and nothing is stopping me now... except perhaps indifference and procrastination.

Presents that we got as a couple:

Doctor Who Experience tickets
Film desk calendar
Chocolates and shortbread
Marvel wall calendar
Burger phone (oh yeahhhh)
2 x cookbooks
Harry Potter caricature
£50
$100
Giraffe figurine
Dr Who game
Battlestar Galactica game
Wii (thanks to our cat Athena... with maybe help from us)

52:43 By jove I think she's got it!

2011-12-30T12:39:00.000Z

For Christmas James and I bought athena a treat ball. You load it up with treats, which then fall out as she plays with it. This would be great if our cat was smart... but unfortunately she isn't the sharpest knife in the draw... or so I thought!

We have been trying for days to show her how it works but when you move the ball and a treat falls out she simply thinks we are giving them to her. However, when I was getting into the shower I heard the ball roll across the floor. Peeking out I saw her eating a treat just near where the ball stopped.

SUCCESS! She gets it!

Well... kind of... she then proceeded to sniff around the area and, granted, around the ball... but didn't quite understand that another one would fall out. BUT I take this as good progress.

In fact, I just rolled the ball to see what she would do...

She ran after it instantly and then, when it stopped, she looked around on the floor. She has definately made the association... but Athena isn't one who really understands the concept of working for your food. Believe me, if it were up to her she would lay on a big cushion every day being hand fed treats and cat food while someone gently fans her.

She is just so adorable though!

52:42 Sweets for lunch

2011-12-30T12:08:00.000Z

Argh look at the time! It is 5 past 12 and I am meant to leave to pick up my mum in less than an hour... and I have totally showered... yeah... totes.

Usually I would worry about what I am going to have for lunch but... pah... I am going to the cinem, which means... SWEETS FOR LUNCH.

I realise this is an irresponsible message and I wouldn't suggest children or indeed most adults (including myself) having sweets for lunch. but then again... who can resist pick and mix?

52:41 House hunting

2011-12-30T11:52:00.001Z

Before I get on with some much needed tidying I am havign a quick look at houses in Norwich, which is where we plan to move to soon. Currently I am guessing a budget because we won't know what we can afford until James gets a job in the area. However like every other house hunter I do have a list of requirements that I will probably have to end up compromising on:

House not a flat. I am happy with people either side but it doesn't quite feel like home when you have someone above or below you.

2 bedrooms. Quite a biggy for two reasons; 1. We want people to be able to come and stay with us and 2. we currently have a flat consisting of one bedroom, one kitchen, one bathroom and one reception room... and we have a LOT of stuff. I like to think of us as sentimentally materialistic i.e. we like things because of what they mean to us... but if they were all stolen we wouldn't mourn their monetary value.

Cat friendly. By which I mean somewhere where we are allowed to bring Athena and hopefully somwhere with a cat flap or at least a back door.

Unfurnished. We would like to build up a stock of our own furniture and this is hard to do when you have no space to add to. Of course this also means we'll be living on pillows and blankets on the floor for a while but... there you go!

Non-student area. Norwich is home to the University of East Anglia and thus there are quite a few students. It may be cheaper but I would rather go a bit hungry than live inbetween student accomodations. No offence to any students reading this.

Central heating. I guess this isn't a must but I would quite appreciate being able to control the temperature of where I live. We currently have storage heaters. I hate storage heaters.

Shower. James' stipulation.

So people... if you find a place that matches the above for less than £600 a months... send the details my way!!

53:40 Middle class dreams

2011-12-30T11:37:00.000Z

I just put a load of washing in the washing machine and it reminded me of the most depressing and pathetic dream I had the other day. I dreamed that I had to tell James not to wash my bras with a normal load as it would stretch the elastic... I know, the worries of a middle class dreamer?

I remember when I used to dream up fantasy stories, or fly around the world, or have semi-erotic dreams about celebrities I didn't even know I had a crush on. Nope. Now I dream about the right way to wash a bra. Wonderful.

52:39 Live blogging

2011-12-30T11:29:00.000Z

So today I am going to try live blogging, which I know isn't a term I invented but I am not sure exactly what it means so am bastardising it for my own convenience. Basically, as I have to write 14 blogs in two days, I am going to simply keep my blogger screen open all day... minus when I go to the cinema with my mum as the iMac is a big on the large side to take... and just blog about my day; what comes up, what I am thinking about, how much my cat is irritating me, how I wish I hadn't left this until the last minute, etc etc.

This is kind of cheating as I will be continuing to post short, unedited ramblings that don't really constitute what I think a blog should be - but then again other people class Tumblr as a blogging site so what do I know?

52:38 A lucky escape

2011-12-29T17:49:00.000Z

As you know from my last blog, James and I went to London on December 27. We did what we often do which is drive to Newbury Park underground station, park the car and then tube into central London. This would have been great if they hadn't closed half the car park. Oops.

After driving around for a few minutes to no avail we decided to be a bit sneaky and move some cones over lslightly. We just managed to squeeze in the end and just hoped no one noticed that our car is a metre from where it should be... on the wrong side.

I was scared all day about getting clamped. When we got back to the car (which only cost £1 for the whole day I might add) it dawned as we slowly walked towards our spot that... unsurprisingl, the cones and tape had been moved back to their original position. Meaning that our car was sitting all by its lonesome on the other side of the line.

Thankfully it wasn't clamped - really it would have been unfair it it had been as the markings were NOT clear. But still... we didn't stick around.

Moral of the story: check travel and parking details before you leave on your journey.

52:37 My IMAX experience

2011-12-29T17:43:00.000Z

On December 27 James and I met our friends Kim and Ross in London to see Mission:Impossible Gost Protocol on the biggest screen in Britain... ok I lied: On December 27 James and I met our friends Kim and Ross in London to see the 6 minute prologue to The Dark Knight Rises on the biggest screen in Britain. We can't help it, we're geeks.

Anyway I am not blogging about the film because, well, I already have a website for that (hesaidshesaidfm.com) AND I mainly want to gush about how big the screen was...

OMG THE SCREEN WAS SO BIG!

In fact, research tells me that the screen is 20m by 26m and uses a 11,600 watt digital surroudn system. Crazy.

By the way if you aren't exactly sure what IMAX is, it's a a type of film and film projection. Not many films are produced direct to IMAX film because the frames are 70mm... just think about that for a second... so the majority are converted to this higher resolution.

The screen was so big that when people were on either side of the frame you actually had to move your head from side to side. There was just no way to see everything at once!

I repeat... OMG THE SCREEN WAS SO BIG!

52:36 Boxing Day

2011-12-29T17:28:00.000Z

This year we went to my sister's on Boxing Day, which was nice because it is their first Christmas a) living nearby and b) in their own non-rented home.

As usual we played a variety of games including hotheads, charades and Articulate; ate a disproportionately large amount of food considering how we really shouldn't be hungry at all; and drunk more alcohol.

My brother in law cooked a delicious Mexican beef dish - something a bit different for Boxing Day - which we then followed with Eton Mess. If you don't know Eton Mess it is raspberries, cream and meringue. Be jealous.

James and I finally went home to a very grumpy cat.

52:35 Christmas Day 2011

2011-12-29T17:23:00.003Z

So in my last blog I told you what we usually do on Christmas Day. And here is what actually happened! (I have built that up... it sounds like something dramatic happened but really... it was pretty average. Isn't life awesome when the average is Christmas Day!)

Wake up at a much debated yet finally agreed time of about 7:30am

Actually James and I woke up at 5:30am because he had a coughing fit. It just isn't the same when you aren't 7 years old anymore.

Gather in my parents room while mum or dad makes a cup of tea for everyone

It was mum's turn this year. We also went to get my nephew William up. He is adorable.

Open the presents in our Santa sacks while still in our pajamas
Get washed and dressed in smart clothes and go down to have breakfast

Breakfast used to always be Pain au Chocolat but we tend to have bacon and egg sandwiches now.

Small break to get drinks before starting on the presents

We usually start on the beers and Baileys around this time...

Open presents one person at a time with small breaks for drinks fetching and dinner preparation
Have dinner at about 2pm

We had a Marks and Spencers Christmas Dinner this year. Less stress but still delicious. Mum still made the traditional prunes and mushrooms wrapped in bacon. Mmmm-mmm.

Feel stuffed / wash up
Continue opening presents

We tend to take the entire day. Probably because we have a very cute nephew who people like to buy numerous gifts for but also because we chat, write down presents and pause to refresh our beverages every few minutes.

Have nap / play games

I had a nap. I felt bad because my nan had just come round!

Have small tea of leftovers
Play games / watch television

Our friend Kim joined us to play hotheads, then James and I watched Doctor Who!

52:34 The Christmas Day schedule

2011-12-29T17:15:00.000Z

I love Christmas Day... I may have mentioned this before. Christmas Day is my favourite day of the year because the whole world seems to disappear and for a few hours no one else exists except you and the people you care about most. Maybe I sound like a big sap... but it is probably because I am.

Anyway, I always love hearing about other people's Christmas Days as everyone has their own little traditions. Here is my Christmas Day schedule:

Wake up at a much debated yet finally agreed time of about 7:30am
Gather in my parents room while mum or dad makes a cup of tea for everyone
Open the presents in our Santa sacks while still in our pajamas
Get washed and dressed in smart clothes and go down to have breakfast
Small break to get drinks before starting on the presents
Open presents one person at a time with small breaks for drinks fetching and dinner preparation
Have dinner at about 2pm
Feel stuffed / wash up
Continue opening presents
Have nap / play games
Have small tea of leftovers
Play games / watch television

52: 33 Christmas Eve with friends

2011-12-28T13:14:00.000Z

This is the first year that James and I have had our own place and thus been able to host our own Christmas gathering. We invited people round on Christmas Eve afternoon for mulled wine, mince pies and other nibbles. I even baked biscuits and mince swirls.

It was a really nice afternoon and - because James and I seem to be able o get these things just right - people came and went in a way that meant the party was never dead, nor so full that no one could sit down.

It was a really nice occasion and relatively stress free... although since we went straight to my parents' house after and then spent the next day there and the next day at my sister's and the next day in London... I STILL have the washing up sitting in the kitchen. I may or may not be putting off the housework.

Also, I may or may not have a fridge full of leftover mince pies.

I did however manage to use up some of THE red wine. You know THE red wine right? The bottle that is delivered from party to party as an addition to the general drinks provided? The one that then gets left undrunk and getting dusty in a corner until you are invited to someone else's party and start the cycle again. I cleverly added my red wine to my pre-mulled mulled wine (I trust Sainsbury's mulled wine making skills more than mine).

All in all, it was a good party. A Christmas Eve with friends.

52: 32 Facebook frustration (from weeks ago)

2011-12-28T09:18:00.002Z

This is a blog I wrote originally on 7 December. I managed to post it to our He Said She Said blogspot because I am a twit. I don't even know how I resolved this (although I did manage to) but hey... can't let a good rant go to waste... especially not when I am super blogging like a maniac.

Most people get frustrated with Facebook and how it seems to have come to rule our everyday lives. While I wouldn't say I am an extreme Facebook loyalist, I would say that I actually quite appreciate the website. It is an excellent tool for keeping in touch with friends and family, and a great way to share photos in an age where loved ones seem to be more and more spread apart.

So, why am I frustrated?

Well, I try and humour the ridiculous hype people place around the security on Facebook. Sure, I feel bad for the vulnerable people who are preyed on but this is a minority. The public just loves a moral panic and online personal security is the hot potato of the era.

Going along with my humouring of Facebook's security features I entered my mobile hone number about a year ago into the security checker system. Since then I bought a new phone (a Galaxy S2, which, by the way, is awesome) and, seeing as Facebook never do random security checks, I forgot to update the number.

This was all fine until today when Facebook have made the decision that everyone should be security checked. Fuck. How do I get the code texted to a SIM I don't even have anymore?

Well it turns out there is a nifty feature where you can simply tag friends in photos where Facebook already knows who they are. This is a fantastic security feature and encourages you to only be friends with people who are... y'know... friends!

Of course this would be even better if Facebook didn't default to the mobile phone code every time.

As it stands I currently have no access to my Facebook account - it could very well be deleted - and I am waiting for the Facebook team to email me instructions what to do.

The saga continues...

Or you know... it doesn't.

52:31 Here I go again

2011-12-28T09:10:00.000Z

So apparently my renewed motivation in writing my blog didn't last very long. However we now have just 4 days left of the year and by golly I am going to do it! (Maybe... I mean... I have said this before and we all know that making personal goals doesn't really mean I am more motivated or more likely to achieve anything... but you never know)

I now have 4 days to write 22 blogs. Don't expect anything long-winded or deep by the way... but hopefully I can still 'entertain and inform' (geez, I sound like a bloomin' public service broadcast!)

My first few blogs are going to have the theme of Christmas and I am going to make you all crazy jealous about how much fun I have had over the past few days and next year you will all be wanting to spent the holiday season with me. Mwahaha. Or something like that.

Past that I may well be struggling for topics... but I could always go for the Tumblr style classic of posted a gif that explains a joke or moment thus rendering it not funny. But hey - that seems to be what all the cool kids are doing!

Here goes...

52: 30 Is Christmas just for children?

2011-12-03T16:48:00.000Z

There is a Christmas song that I really love called 'Christmas is for Children'. I think Glenn Campbell sang it... or one of those other old time crooners that make you melt. The song says that 'Christmas is for children, but aren't we all children (on) Christmas Day?" I love this because it is how my parents brought my sister and I up to think of Christmas... and it is something that I will believe for as long as I live.

Today, James and I decorated our Christmas tree. Those of you know me will know that I am a complete Xmas slut. I can't get enough of carols, I can't get tired of tinsel and decorations, I won't ever tire of wrapping presents... and it still amazes me every year how this one day, that we put a stupid amount of time, money and energy into... is actually worth it.

Most people also know that i am not religious. Some people may call it hypocritical to not be a Christian yet still celebrate Christmas, and they are probably right, but I think the holidays means something different for everyone. For me it means family, love and generosity. Okay... I guess greed too... but generosity is a much better way of thinking it. Remember kids, our favourite thing is giving presents, not receiving them (no matter what we feel inside).

This is my first Christmas in my own flat. We won't actually be here on Christmas Day (we will be with the family) but it is the first time I have had my own place to decorate. Of course my sister and I still decorate my parents' house... and sure we still have our own separate tree at my parents' house for our kiddy decorations despite being 28 and 25. But it is nice to have a Christmas tree that is is mine and James'. Our first tree that is just... ours.

52: 29 My ring, my muse

2011-11-21T22:30:00.002Z

I guess that me writing this blog kind of answers the question I posed yesterday. I have indeed decided to go for it; 23 blogs in the next 5 weeks. Easy peasy. In fact I thought I would struggle for something to write but, as luck would have it, inspiration arrived today... in the form of a ring.

To cut a long story short when my husband proposed back in July 2010 we couldn't afford a ring. In fact he proposed while we were on holiday at the end of Santa Monica Pier. And let me tell you that travelling over 5000 miles ain't cheap, especially when you then rent a car to drive from mid-Oregon to Los Angeles (which was over 800 miles including a stop in San Fransciscoto take a very foggy, miserable picture of the Golden Gate Bridge.)

Anyway, I have got off track... As we couldn't afford a proper engagement ring, James bought me a $30 Mickey Mouse ring from Disneyland that we visited the day before. I have to say that it has lasted a surprisingly long time considering it is made of what I can only assume to be some kind of plastic and cheap metal.

As I am now planning my wedding - because who doesn't plan a wedding for two years after they actually tie the knot? - we budgeted in an actual engagement ring. And so sitting on my finger right now is a beautiful white gold ring with a black diamond in the middle and three diamonds each side. It is dainty and beautiful. It is understated and everything I wanted in a ring. I absolutely adore it.

Funny story though, I have been eagerly awaiting my ring to arrive only to realise it has been sitting in a package in our flat for over a week. La la la.

Hugs galore.

By the way, what do people think of my new blog design?

52: 28 Musings and reasons

2011-11-20T22:02:00.001Z

Back in January, as you all know, I started something called Project 52, a challenge I created for myself when I was feeling annoyingly chipper and positive at the beginning of the year. For those who are new to reading this the basic idea is that I write a blog for each week of the year, hence the '52'.

However, and I don't feel great about this, I kind of somewhat maybe probably definitely suffered a downright annoying bout of acute anxiety. This somewhat hampered my enthusiasm for the project and although I tried to revive it in September, managing a measly one post before completely giving up.Well, almost completely...

It is now November, and close to the end of that to be sure! And here I am facing a dilemma. I have always said that I am not competitive and it really can't be more true. Whether I finish this project or not is irrelevant to me. I am not motivated by winning and conquering challenges; what drives me is doing my best and fulfilling my potential.

So the dilemma is: have I given Project 52 my best shot? Or do I have more to give? By my calculations - or, you know... by researching on Google - I have 5 weeks of the year to go. After this blog I will therefore have to write 23 more posts to achieve my goal. This is by all means doable, and considering my husband has written over 30,000 words of a novel since the beginning of this month I do really feel that maybe I haven't tried my best.

I know I have reasons, and good ones at that, for struggling with this project. But do I have good enough reasons to keep going? I guess we'll find out when (if?) blog post 52: 29 is published.

Hugs galore.

52: 27 More More Pottermore

2011-09-11T17:51:00.001+01:00

On Friday night I was incredibly excited to have received my official Pottermore email, inviting me to take part in Beta testing. Of course, my first response was to jump up and down screaming. MY second was to go and jump up and down screaming in front of my husband. My third response was to jump up and down while signing into Pottermore itself.

My username, if you were wondering, is BronzeSnitch86 and I have to just spend a moment on this. I can’t believe how lucky I got with my username. For those people who didn’t sign up early for Pottermore, everyone is given a choice of usernames so that everyone is anonymous and therefore in a safer environment (so the theory goes). I was ecstatic that BronzeSnith86 came up, because: Bronze = Ravenclaw house colour; Snitch = the tattoo I will be getting on my back; 86 = the year of my birth, which looking at everyone’s usernames is actually quite rare.

I was very excited. Of course I then realised that I was getting too invested in being a Ravenclaw when I wasn’t going to be sorted for 7 chapters. It was a dangerous line to walk.

I don’t want to talk too much about the game, mainly because I don’t want to ruin it for other people. However the basic idea is that you explore ‘moments’, which are a few per chapter. For example the Sorting ceremony is a ‘moment’ and so is getting your wand at Ollivanders. If you are wondering my wand is Fir, Unicorn Hair, Ten three quarter inches, Slightly springy. I am happy with this.

To get a wand, and to be Sorted, you must go through a little personality quiz, which matches your answers to your most appropriate wand wood, wand core and, later on, to your House. By the way I did get in Ravenclaw. Phew. I would have been happy in any house... but now I can wear my Ravenclaw Quidditch tshirt without feeling like a fraud or like I am betraying my house.

My favourite thing about Pottermore is undoubtedly the additional content from Jo Rowling. It is so exciting to hear about McGonagall’s parents, to find out Ollivander’s thoughts about different types of wand wood, and to be welcomed into your house by a Prefect. Everytime there is a new content sign, (a quill!), I get excited when I click and find a long page of new, essay length content to read. It is like a dive into Jo’s mind. I love it.

I feel it unfair to judge how slow Pottermore is at the moment, after all it is only in Beta testing so is still be worked on constantly. However it does worrying me when they put a notice up saying “Due to overwhelming demand Pottermore is currently unavailable”. Trust me... if you think you have a lot of traffic in Beta testing... you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Hope to see y’all at Hogwarts soon. Ravenclaws, see you in the common room.

52: 26 Standing the heat

2011-08-20T22:26:00.000+01:00

I am sure you have all heard the saying; if you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen. And until recently this definitely applied to me. I used to burn everything, never have things ready at the same time and completely panic when people are taking their first bite of something as if they are about to drop down dead. I faltered. I couldn't stand the stress of cooking so I got out of the kitchen faster than you can say 'chip pan fire'.

However, since I have had my own flat I have been cooking more and particularly from recipe books. Who would have thought it?

So me, little miss Can't Cook, Won't Cook actually made a meal tonight that had more than one element (Psst! For those not in the know element is the fancy way of saying multitasking several different recipes that all add up to the same dish.) In fact my chicken kebabs were not only served with rice but were marinaded in lime, chilli and honey first but they also came with an avocado and tomato sauce made from scratch by moi!

It may not be Michelin starred cuisine, but then again who wants tomato jelly served with coffee froth on a bed of 'micro-herbs'?

I don't want to give the impression that I couldn't cook at all before, or indeed that I am the world's best chef now. I have always had good common sense when it comes to cooking so simple 'stick it all in' dishes like spag-bol or even wrapping something yummy up in ready made pastry wasn't hard to conquer. And now, I have to admit, I still muck up. For example we eat a lot of rice and I can never get the timing quite right on having it ready at the same time.

I think that my weaknesses are probably organisational skills more than cooking skills at play. It is funny because at work I am often told I am super-organised. Whereas at home... I'm not so sure. Then again I am anal enough to write down exactly what times everything needs turning on when I am doing a 'heat it up and stick it on the plate lazy processed dinner' (not that this happens often).

I guess my point is that I never thought I'd get into cooking. And, while it isn't my favourite thing in the world, it really isn't as bad as I built it up to be in my head. I am standing the heat and staying in the kitchen... unless there really is a chip pan fire... which is unlikely since we don't eat chips and would only bother with oven fries anyway... what was I talking about again...

52:25 Inked up Potter style

2011-08-16T16:57:00.000+01:00

I have been debating getting a tattoo for several years now. I have always wanted one - and more than that, I have always wanted a lightening bolt inspired by Jo Rowling's Harry Potter novels - but I was waiting for the right moment. The moment when you wake up one day and just know: 'today is the day'.

That day was today.

I am now freshly inked (I've been told this is the correct lingo) with an 1.5 inch lightening bolt placed between my Achilles tendon and ankle of my right foot. And I love it.

So the question everyone asks is of course: 'did it hurt?' And the answer is yes and no... the feeling isn't painful so much as highly irritating. I thought of it much like a cat scratching you very slowly. Of course my tattoo only took 3 minutes so I didn't really get a chance to feel what it was really like. In addition I also have a really bad nerve pain and joint pains which, to be perfectly honest, are much more horrible than getting a tattoo. So if the only thing holding you back is the pain... believe me; it will be fine.

If the only thing holding you back is being unsure abut what you want then my personal advice is to do what I did and wait for the right moment. But then again I am admittedly not that 'bad ass' so I am sure my rule wouldn't apply for everyone.

As I said, I have wanted a lightening bolt since I first wanted a tattoo. The placement has changed but the symbol itself has been a constant. It was only after several months of knowing I definitely wanted it on my ankle that I went ahead and did it (I didn't want to get it tattooed on my forehead only to change my mind three hours later).

The other question I assume people will ask is why the lightening bolt? The lightening bolt means two things to me:

1. It is a reference to Harry Potter. I know that non-fans won't understand this but Harry Potter changed my life. It made me think about the value of my friendships, the meaning of family, the power of love and above all, the importance of making choices in life. Sounds corny, I know, but this leads into the second thing...

2. For the past several years I have finally understood how all of the things Potter taught me apply to my life. It struck me that friends made over Youtube can be the best friends you can ever have, that true love doesn't know distance or time, that being me is okay... that I am not the loser I was convinced I was in high school... that I am strong, confident and I am proud of who I am and what I love in life. This realization hit me like a bolt of lightening one day, and I have not looked back since.

Tell me in the comments about your tattoos or ideas for one. My next tattoo will be a Golden Snitch flying across my upper hip. But that is a story for a different time.

52: 24 Enchanted

2011-08-15T00:43:00.000+01:00

So a few days ago I spend two nights at Disneyland Paris. This doesn’t sound like a lot but after two days of walking, queuing, more walking and more queuing you start to feel a little drained.

Not that I am complaining. Who couldn’t be happy to wander around such a magical place as Disneyland where everything is designed to bring your imagination to life. Forget children, this is a nerds dream.

It is also a place where, for some unknown reason, people like to dress the same while walking around. I won’t judge for that but I am definitely judging for the amount of smokers in the Paris park. What better way to walk through the most magical place on Earth than in a cloud of cancer-causing smoke?

However as I walked around the park I stopped noticing the magic and wonder of the themed restaurants, the film characters brought to life and the theatrical music blasting out from seemingly nowhere. What I noticed is that no one is alone at Disneyland. What I notice is mums and dads holding hands with their children, couples strolling through the park in love, friends having fun and laughs together.

Disneyland is made out to be a place that brings magic to life. But from where I stand Disneyland is a place where the people bring the magic with them. Disneyland is just the candle – the people, young and old, are what light it up and make it shine.

After all, fireworks aren’t so enchanting when no one is around to watch them.

This is the script I wrote for my video 'Thoughts from Places: Disneyland Paris'. Here is the final product:

52: 23 Coming out about mental health

2011-08-07T07:30:00.003+01:00

In my last blog post I hinted at some problems I have been going through. I always knew I would tell you more, but plucking up the courage to sit down and write this post just never came. However, today - after my cat woke me up at 6:30am - I saw that my friend Beth had posted a blog called Mental health and my struggle with anxiety. Suddenly I had the courage to come and write this, and not later, but straight away. So here is me, at 6:54am on Sunday morning, coming out about my mental health problems.

I'm going to dive straight in, partly because it is always the easiest way to do these things, secondly because I am hoping Beth is reading this and knows instantly that she is not alone:
My name is Helen and I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and I haven't had a good nights sleep in about 3 months. I take anti-depressants and am in therapy.

This is really not something I have talked to anyone in great detail about. My boss Nicola (@chipletmum on Twitter) and my immediate family are basically the only people I have confided in. This isn't because of the stigma around mental health - trust me, I work for two mental health organisations - but not talking to people about it has so far been about protecting myself. I haven't wanted to talk about it because every time I tried I would simply get ridiculously anxious or have a panic attack... not something I was keen to encourage until after I had been in therapy a little while.

So let me tell you about my therapy. I self-referred myself to Suffolk IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapy) a few months ago and have been doing some self-guided cognitive behavioural therapy with my case manager Alma. Some of the things we have done include keeping a thought-record to start challenging my negative thinking, learning ways to relax through practices such as mindfulness (which I am crap at but I still try) and simply understanding what is happening in my brain! I find it very hard but I know it is the best thing for me. (Side note - one of things I didn't try was an offer to join an anxiety support group... how do these people ever feel relaxed enough to actually go to that?)

In terms of understanding my anxiety I realise it is the safety behaviours that I need to challenge most (disclaimer - I am talking about what helps me personally, I am not an expert). The diagram will help me explain. For example:

Supermarkets with lots of people and to much money thinking is one of my triggers...
This causes me anxiety and often ends in a panic attack...
I leave the shop to sit in the car so I feel better, this is a safety behaviour...
This gives me short-term relief because I have escaped the situation I didn't like. Because I feel better I repeat this behaviour and the anxiety becomes a ally, warning me when I can't cope.
However this exacerbates the long-term problem because rather than stick around to overcome my problems, I m simply finding ways to allow anxiety to become part of my everyday life and it gets worse and worse.

THINK FIGHT NOT FLIGHT.

As I mentioned I am also on anti-depressants (Fluoxetine, you may know this as Prozac) for anxiety. I actually started taking these back in January this year because I was having extreme shoulder problems. As you will know I have terrible joints and when I have a particularly bad flare up or injury I start getting anxious about how I will be when I am a mother, or old, or when it is tomorrow. A few months ago I moved into a new flat and started a new job. These things coupled with events such as my car being written-off all added to my existing anxiety. It got out of control and that is when I started therapy, and that is also when I had my medication doubled.

I am not typing this blog for sympathy. I am typing it to help both myself, and my friend Beth (and anyone else going through similar problems). I have come a long way in the past few weeks and while I still find things hard - I have to sit in the car still when James is shopping as I get very panicked in-store - but I feel happier knowing that I am doing something to take a hold on my own life. It is still an uphill struggle most days but I feel like I have some walking boots to at least help me get there a little faster, a little bit safer.

My starting point was reading the 'Anxiety' booklet at this website: http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp It is very helpful in understanding, but don't do the exercises unless you're ready. Trust me, it causes meltdown.

52: 22 The way I figure it...

2011-08-02T14:22:00.005+01:00

This week is week 31 of the year and the way I figure it, that means I am 10 blogs behind on my project. Since I am off work and at home in bed but unable to sleep (partly due to my head being filled with white noise and cotton wool, and partly because my neighbour is doing DIY) I thought I should make a start on catching up.

I have been suffering from a lack of motivation of sorts over the past few months. I don't think I am ready to go into detail just yet so let me just say that life has got on top of me a bit. I have had to set myself small goals to work up to but I am feeling much better.

In fact one of my ultimate goals was to do this. Get back into blogging again. I actually fell in love with blogging and it has been hard to feel how I have the past 8 or so weeks i.e. either not motivated or inspired, or simply scared that my best won't be good enough.

So this is a really important step - this right now - just typing on the keyboard, letter by letter.

Right now, apart from feeling like shite from the evil summer cold that I always seem to be prone to, I feel proud of myself. I have made a decision to get back into blogging and rather than hit a mental block my fingers seem to be typing without me even thinking of it.

Fingers crossed you'll be seeing more from my blog soon :)

52: 21 Life as a commuter

2011-06-02T20:52:00.009+01:00

The story of my life as a commuter starts a couple of weeks ago when I got a text saying "I'd like to discuss a job opportunity with you if you're interested" from a colleague at a organisation involved with my own. I said "Sure", and so he offered me the opportunity to work for them as Marketing and Communications Coordinator.I have always worked part-time but lately have been keen, for reasons related to finances and my future career, to take on additional hours. As I am sure you can probably guess I said "Yes please!"

So now I am, by first half of the week, Helen the Communications Officer in Suffolk, and by second half of the week I am Helen the Mar/Comms Coordinator in Norfolk.

For those of you living outside the UK hopefully this picture will help you visualize a little better! I work in Ipswich Mon and Tue, Norwich Thur and Fri, and alternate Wed.

So my life as a commuter started yesterday on my first day at the new organisation. The day went something like this: Taxi > Train > Lift in car* > Work > Bus > Bus > Train > Lift in car**. *Somedays this will be 'Bus > Bus'
**Somedays this will be replaced by 'Bus' or 'Taxi'

You think that this would feel like a long old slog but actually, and maybe I am just saying this because I have only one it twice (!), but I kind of enjoyed it. One thing I don't often make time for is just focusing on reading and I really miss it... but my 45 minute train ride allows me to find time. So far I have found the train ride rather relaxing, a little wind-down period if you like.

Luckily my commuter train is nothing like the one in India from the picture up above! My train is actually quite quiet thank goodness.

The taxi I get from home to the train station. I could get a bus but considering how unreliable morning traffic can be I would have to get a really early on to be on the safe side. Taxis of course, are more direct... with the exception of this morning, though I can hardly blame the driver. You see, intelligent as I am, I may possibly have left my train tickets on the dresser at home. I may possibly have shouted "FUCK!" in the taxi and then sheepishly asked him to turn around. Possibly... maybe... yeah, that happened.

I really don't mind buses. I can't read because it makes me sick, but I think I put on my philanthropist hat when on the bus. I people-watch and appreciate the nuances in human life. It is much harder however to work out buses than trains. My tactic is simply standing at the bus stop till something comes along and assuming it goes through the city centre. There is then an additional bus that goes to the train station (because including it on other bus routes is apparently not what they do in Norwich. Shrug.)

All in all I am pretty enthusiastic about commuting so far (by public transport and lifts anyway - driving is a whole other ball game). But then again my life as a commuter has lasted exactly two days and both days I left early for various reasons. I know I wouldn;t want to commute long term, but while I am still young and fit (hahahaha, fit... good one) it isn't so bad when your career is the reward.

52: 20 A year older

2011-05-31T21:48:00.006+01:00

Clearly I am a bit behind in blog writing, but, determined as I am to produce a full 52 blogs this year, here I am back in the game. There are actually quite a few things to talk about that have happened but I think today I will talk about my birthday, which was last week.

I am officially quarter of a century old and I have to say... it is pretty much the same as 24. But although I didn't feel a change as the hand struck midnight I do feel a year older. When I was 24 I was more confident and more happy than ever before, thanks mainly to my wondrous James.

A year of adding to that however and here I am, little Ms. 25, taking on opportunities and ventures that, at one time at least, I thought I never would. It is hard but this year has been a great learning curve for me in my career, my friendships, my marriage and my passions.

This year I have allowed myself a little personal present of my own; pride in who I am, and the choices I make. A quarter of a century may seem like a long time, but boy has it gone by fast.

52:19 Our house, in the middle of our street

2011-05-09T20:12:00.005+01:00

Again, not actually a house, a flat... although a flat converted from what must have been a huge house at some point! Anyway, I wanted to write a blog about the flat and the move itself. If you haven't read my last blog read it now by clicking here.

On Thursday 5 May 2011, James and I met Lee (our letting agent) at what was very soon to be our new home. He went through the paperwork and we signed. He handed over two sets of keys and boom; we had our own home.

James and I had viewed the property exactly a week prior to signing the lease. We had seen about 5 flats before this one and we were really keen on a few of them. But when we entered this one, we just had a feeling. I felt myself smiling... we knew this was the place for us. We asked for the application form straight away and completed it at the office just before closing time.

Then came the horrible wait for credit checks, which were fine of course, and employment checks, which weren’t so fine. Mine checked out alright but I didn’t earn the letting threshold amount so we relied on James’ job. Unfortunately you fail a check when you are paid weekly, on an agency contract (despite the fact he will move to full time employment in about a month). Luckily, however, our letting agent put it to the landlady, who allowed us to rent anyway. Huzzah!

The day we signed we brought a car full of boxes over, but as we hadn’t had a chance to buy the vital teabags and milk for the morning we decided to have our first night on the Friday. Friday... that was a tiring day! I spent the whole day packing and sorting boxes and James spent the whole day lifting and shifting them. With three more car loads to go before our stuff was moved to Ipswich we were really quite knackered by the end of the day.

That evening our friends Chris and Rachel came over to see our flat (Chris having seen it the day before as well), and we enjoyed some Indian takeaway and some well-deserved alcoholic beverages. We all decided that the following morning we would go to an event in a local village where lots of local residents all held a garden sale on the same day.

We managed to pick up some £1 DVDs (including Inception... for a pound... crazy), a bin for our loo (50p), a cat treats jar for the kitchen (50p), a copper bottomed pan (50p) and a 3-4 seater futon for only £20! We spent a lovely 3 hours walking about in the sunshine, picking up bargains, but were very tired by the end of the day. We had a quick visit from my parents, who bought a plant for us, and then relaxed with a film.

On the Sunday we enlisted the help of our friend Gabriel to shift the futon from the village to our flat (it fit in his car, almost) where it slotted easily through our window. Perfect! What a few days, eh?

52:18 Our house, is a very very very fine house

2011-05-07T20:11:00.001+01:00

Okay, so it isn’t a house... it is a flat. But it is more than very, very, very fine. It is amazing.

So James and I have had a bit of a whirlwind few weeks. There has been a lot going on for us; some nerves, lots of stress, but even more excitement. We have started renting a flat in Ipswich, a town about 11 miles away from the one where we lived with my parents.

It all started last month when I had that job interview where I was horribly ill. When we found out I didn’t get it we made a decision: Let’s stop waiting around until we have more money, or we have jobs outside Suffolk, or until everything is perfect” ... because perfect is something you can create yourself by letting go of your ideals and focusing on the here and now. You soon find out that “just settling” isn’t actually settling at all – it is discovering a whole new way of living.

Moving to Ipswich wasn’t our original plan but when we decided to do it there was a great weight lifted from our shoulders. We could finally stop worrying about what we felt we should be doing and just enjoying our lives as they are right now. It has definitely been a much smoother transition than I thought it would be. As soon as we started looking we were excited. Scared, yes, about our scarce amount of income, and frightened, yes, about an uncertain time...

But sitting writing this in my brand new flat, I really couldn’t be happier. At the end of the day all I want is to live with my wonderful husband until the day I die. And right now we aren’t just living together, we are sharing our life together.
We still want our ideal future but, for now at least, we are content to just be. To enjoy our new home, our first together, and celebrate how lucky we are to have found each other from other sides of the ocean.

To be continued... click here.

52: 17 The future

2011-04-30T12:59:00.002+01:00

James and I have come to the conclusion that moving away from uffolk is something that won't be happening any time soon. And, although we are desperate to move away and start a new life, we have also felt relief and excitement for our new short-term plans.

At the moment we are looking for a flat to live in. It is rather interesting considering that I have never lived anywhere but my parents house, and James has never lived in his own place in England. We are both a bit oblivious to how all of the systems work and what are the right questions to ask. But it is exciting. We are finally in a position to start our future, in our own home with our own spacce... and a lot less money.

It sounds silly but I am looking forward to only being able to afford own-brand products and living paycheck to paycheck... because it symbolises the next step in our journey together as a couple. We want to start at the bottom and work our way up because at the moment we still feel like we aren't at the starting post yet; that we are in the wings waiting to be called.

Anyway this is a short blog post, but I wanted to share my musings. Raise a glass to the future and hopefully I will be telling you about a move very soon!

P.S. I am now up to date on blogs and back on track. Huzzah.

52: 16 A very Royal occassion

2011-04-29T15:56:00.004+01:00

I just watched the Royal Wedding. Not 'a' Royal Wedding, but 'the Royal Wedding', the one I will be telling my children and grandchildren that I watching when I was much younger. I wanted to do a blog about two things: 1) My take on the Royal family and 2) My take on the wedding itself.

1) The Royal Family

Let me start by saying that I am not a Royalist and I never have been. I appreciate the Royal family and the charities they support. But in terms of the taxpayer cost and the archaic traditions that uphold the aristocracy I do not really find the Royal family part of a modern society.

Saying that however they are part of the history and heritage of this wonderful country. They also link us with other Commonwealth countries such as Australia and Canada etc in a unique way. I am not a patriotic person, or at least I don't think I am, and then I see a sea of Union Jacks waving on my television and I just think "I am proud to be British".

The Royal family is undoubtedly a part of this country, but whether they have a place in the future I can't really say. I enjoy having non-political heads of state to represent my country because let's face it.... politician's are irksome at the very least. But I think they should be more self-sufficient. I would be happier giving money to Royal charity fund, knowing that my contribution goes towards the charity work conducted by the Royals than my tax money going towards pomp and ceremony.

Kate and William, or the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge as I suppose I am 'meant' to write now, are perhaps the first step towards this new Royal family I talk about above. The fact that Kate isn't a Royal (I refuse to call anyone of the Upper Class a commoner) shows that William is not averse to breaking from those archaic rules and traditions that have frozen the Royal family in a time warp.

2. The Royal Wedding

I watched the entire wedding from my home in Felixstowe with gin fizz to drink, a Mediterranean buffet on the coffee table and a tub of pick'n'mix by my side. My family basically take any excuse to do this kind of thing; one week it is buying a special vintage cider to watch the Masterchef final and the next it is champagne flutes for Royalty. What can I say - we like an occassion.

As I mentioned earlier I am not a Royalist. I didn't really watch this as a Royal event but just as a British event; seeing people from across the country gather in London, waving Union Jack's and enjoying life... it really is a site to see. Plus I have a wedding coming up in 2012 so I need some tips! I love weddings. I can afford a McQueen wedding dress can't I? CAN'T I?

Speaking of the dress this was, of course, one of the highlights for me. Screw the dull religious bit with fifty gazillion boring prayers all saying the same thing (I am not religious, I don't mean to offend) I just want to get a glimpse of the dress and discuss it with my mum. I am such a girl.

As it happens the dress was absolutely stunning. The lace arms and shape of the dress, which was designed by Sarah Burton of Alexander McQueen, reminded me (and the whole world apparently) of Grace Kelly's wedding dress. It was so elegant, with beautiful embroidery at the base and a lovely plunging lace neckline into a lovely satin bodice. Kate, as William said at the altar: "you look beautiful".

I also enjoyed the final part of the day when they left Buckingham Palace for Clarance House. The couple appeared in a vintage and absolutely wonderful Aston Martin, which William himself was driving. It was covered in the usual post-wedding regalia of L-plates, a 'Just wed' sign and balloons trailing from the bumpers. It was a fun end to a day which could have otherwise been lifted from centuries earlier, Royalty having been wed at Westminster Abbey since 1066.

I am glad I watched the event, a piece of history which, regardless of my opinion of the Royal family, was a spectacular day.

52:15 This one time, at #Kapow (2)

2011-04-22T08:10:00.003+01:00

I have written quite a few blogs about Kapow so, to keep up to date, read this... then this... then this... and now proceed.

This blog is basically about our journey home. While this might not seem like a very interesting thing to tell you about please try to remember that James and I were in full cosplay. James' very blue face recieved quite a bit of attention to say the least!

I wanted, however to tell you about the train home. I hate trains. Hate. Firstly, they make me feel uneasy. Secondly, the prices are extortionate. Thirdly, their systems suck. On that third point: James and I were ready to go home at 5:30pm. We were carrying backpacks and, as previously mentioned, were dressed like X-Men. So we went to ask if we could get the earlier train rather than our allocated one of 7:30pm, two hours later.

Sigh.

The first person at the 'help' desk was a bit irked by us. We weren't rude or anything... but apparently we had interrupted her chattering with her family who had come to visit her. Silly us for wanting to catch the train due to go in 5 moinutes time! Suffice it to say, she wasn't very accomodating. She simply told us that if we want the earlier train we have to buy new tickets. Excellent.

The second person we asked, because we had nothing to lose, was slightly more helpful but was similarly frustrating. He informed us that we could exchange our tickets for the earlier train for a bargain fee of £60. Huzzah! Maybe not...

In a last ditch effort we asked a third and final person; the man at the turnstile to the platform. What a surprise! He was a) friendly and b) said "Of course, go right through". So we got on the train with about 30 seconds to spare!

The train was absolutely PACKED. An earlier train had been cancelled meaning there were double the people on our ride. I suspect the steward let us through knowing that the ticket-checker would never manage to actually get to us... and he never did. In fact we spent the majority of the journey in the first class section, being the only place we could sit down!

The first class bit consisted of just 8 seats. 2 were taken by James and I, one was taken by an old lady who I will talk about in a minute, and the rest were taken us by completely wasted men on the end of a stag weekend. It was an interesting journey home!

One of the men, perhaps the most drunk, was hilarious. He spent about 2 whole minutes staring at James before slowly raising his hand up and saying "... you're... blue!" Yes, yes he is.

Before I bore you completely to death with this pointless blog I want to tell you about the old lady. She was on her way home from a holiday and she talked NON-STOP. Her topics of conversation including: how excited she is about the Royal Wedding and is going to watch it in London, how she doesn't think the Royal family should exist (go figure), and lastly how the U.S. should stay out of the Middle East. I gave James a "It isn't worth getting into it" look.

It was rather interesting, very exhausting and a great end to a great weekend.

52:14 This one time, at #Kapow... (1)

2011-04-15T17:30:00.004+01:00

As you may know, if you follow us on Youtube or Twitter, James and I attended Kapow! Comic Con this weekend past. It was our second convention, our first being VidCon in Los Angeles, and our first ever comic conference. I have done a review of the evnt itself over on He Said She Said, but here I want to talk about some other things and fun times that were had over the weekend.

The first thing that has to be said is that James aand I were required to squeeze everything we needed into one medium sized and one miniature rucksack. This was due to our realisation that we would have to carry everything all day on Sunday. As it happens they have a cloakroom where we just dumped everything. We'll know for next year! But at least we got to exercise some kind of control. Considering James and I usually pack about 5 tops for a one night stay "just in case" or "because we like choice", this was proabbly a rather good exercise for us particularly.

James and I got to the hotel, which we would be staying in with our friends Kim and Ross, first. It was a short walk from Russel Square and, as we rounded the corner onto the correct street we were rather worried and disheartened to see that our hotel was the one with the neon sign. I half expected it to flicker and for scantily clad women smoking outside the doors. However I have to say that the hotel was actually rather nice. It was one of those hotel/hostel places were you get your own room but the bathroom is down a flight of stairs. We had no problem with this except for flooding light in from the corridor during midnight "I am thinking about it and I can't sleep until I go regardess of how little there is in my bladder" wees.

after we checked in we went for a stroll before Kim and Ross arrived. We discovered a lovely little shopping plaza, which was boiling hot like a summers day - no joke/. There was a metal seat which I sat on and was burning through my jeans. It was fun watching two girls in mini-skirts approach. I would have warned them but... where would be the fun in that. They sat down and had a delayed reaction of "Oh my god this is hot!". They stayed there anyway so I didn't feel too guilty.

When Kim and Ross arrived we went for a wonder to the plaza again having the most humongous burgers for dinner on the way. We were rather stuffed. But they were good. We had to vacate pretty sharpish though as about 50 foreign exchange boys were being led in by their teacher and didn't want to be in the middle of the loud mob of hormonal teens.

After that we weren't sure what to do with our Friday evening. We wanted to do something, James particularly fancied a comedy club but we didn't know where one was. Ross and I both suggested going to Convent Garden and look around as there is always something going on there. About 30 seconds after leaving the tube station we were handed flyers for money of the Top Secret Comedy Club, just around the corner. What luck!

The comedy club was a bit scary as it was in the basement of som kind of community building and had low ceilings and dim light. We did wonder whether we would ever be getting out of there but luckily it was just a comedy club. We saw about four acts before we left, all of whom were a bit nervous but very funny. One of them looked the spitting image of Hurley from lost and one guy was 6 foot 7 inches. These attributes weren't the reason they were very funny... it did help though!

The next morning was VidCon Day One - read this blog.

To be continued.

52:13 So about that...

2011-04-06T16:21:00.002+01:00

Yes, okay smarty pants. I didn't post two blogs last week and I am still, therefore, a week behind. I would go on about excuses such as "I still have my extreme tiredness going on" or "But I am just so busy" but, in all honesty, I probably could have found time to catch up last week. I just chose not to.I chose to relax and nap and enjoy my few days off work. It was bliss and I have no regreats. This is the extent of my blog by the way. My one tomorrow will put me up-to-date and we will say no more of this 'one behind' business. Lalala.

52:12 Yawn

2011-03-31T11:37:00.004+01:00

For all of you who can count... and I *hope* that is most of you... then you will probably know that this is not, in fact, week 12 of the year. It is week 13. And for those of you who are really intelligent you may realise that this means I am a week late in posting this blog. Although it also means that you get two blogs in one week you lucky things. Every cloud has a silver lining eh!?

I don't really have much more of an excuse for posting this late than the fact that I was really tired last week. Now I know what you are thinking: "Yes Helen. Everyone gets tired. Deal with it. Yadayadayada." But I mean I was *tired*. So tired I need to put little asterisks by it. Incidentally asterisks are not to be confused with asterixis, which is an involuntary jerking movement often caused by inner organ trauma. I would hope my tiredness never comes with asterixis.

Where was I?

Oh yes. *Tired*. For the last three weeks I have been having trouble sleeping. Everyone goes through phases like this so I won't go on about how much it sucks. Especially because that always irks mums with young children who are thinking "A phase? This is my lifeeeeeeeeeee". But suffice it to say, I couldn't sleep and I spent the majority of my free time napping.

Napping is a funny thing. When I was young I hated napping. i never used to nap. When we went to my aunt and uncles house their kids always had a nap after lunch... and me and my sister were not so much fans of this. In fact until the last couple of years me napping was a pretty good indicator of when I was ill. However since I have finished Uni and am working I seem to nap a lot. I would say this is mainly from mental tiredness.

But lately I haven't been sleeping because I sometimes find it difficult to drift off due to my bad joints. I have a bad neck and shoulder, which basically I can't get comfy. Every night I hear my husband drift of into snoresville long before I do. I then usually wake up around 3am and have to fall back asleep again. However I am feeling positive. I am waking up in the night less and less and, thanks to painkillers (hallelujah) I am finding it a bit easier to fall asleep at night.

So today I feel the most awake I have in a while (I am actually yawning as I type this though so it may not last!) and I am going to use this awakeness to catch up on blogs, chores and napping. What? I still gotta nap.

52:11 Cat, I'm a kitty cat.

2011-03-19T12:37:00.007Z

This week my very fluffy cat Lucy hasn't been very well. She had 2 tumours in her mouth and had to have an emergency operation to have them out. She is poorly but is doing okay. Because of Lulu being ill I have been thinking a lot about my old cats, and how sad it was to lose each of them but yet how thankful I am to have known them. Cats really are wonderful creatures and, although I don't want to get into this debate, when dog lovers say cats aren't loyal they clearly know nothing. If they have had cats that aren't loyal then they are doing something wrong! Anyway, here is a list of the cats I can remember having:

Nelly: I don't remember Nelly very well as she died when I was about five or so. She is the oldest cat I can remember although when we lived in Stockport I think I was born when the fantastically named Dennis was still alive. Nelly was a lovely dusky grey but, being so long ago, I can't remember much of his personality. It is weird because I can remember remembering him... but it too long ago to actually remember the original memory. Confused? Me too!

Dilly: We had Dilly at the same time as Nelly. She was a tortoiseshell and, although she was quite old when i can remember her, I believe my parents got her as a kitten. She had short little legs and they would tell me how her tummy would droop and clean the floor when she was little. Very cute. If I remember rightly Dilly was a bit more reserved than Nelly. As the first cat I can remember properly I really loved Dilly.

Bobby: We either got Bobby shortly before or just after Dilly died (I really have a terrible memory). Bobby was a black and white cat and one of my favourites. He was a bit temperamental at times but was an angel most of the time. I remember when i was about 8 or so he used to love sitting in a certain place on the first floor landing, just outside the bathroom. It was lovely because the sun shined through the window all day and the hot pipes run underneath. When I felt down I would curl up on the warm floor and cuddle up to him. He was lovely.

Sammy and Bonnie: Sammy and Bonnie we got as kittens when we still had Bobby. My family surprised me one day with them. I remember walking into my back room and seeing these two beautiful cats. I was so excited! We had talked before about having two cats called Bonnie and Clyde but when it came to it Sammy, a lovely white and black (not to be confused with black and white) cat, just didn't suit Clyde at all. So Bonnie (dark tabby) was Bonnie but I named Sammy after the window cleaner in noel Edmund's House Party. I don't know why.

After Sammy and Bonnie we didn't have cats for a while. As far as I remember Nelly, Dilly, Sammy and Bonnie all died after being hit by cars (Bobby died after growing lots of untreatable abscesses). Living on a main road at the time we didn't think it was fair to keep any more cats because of the risk of them being run over. We did however, sort of adopt our neighbours cat...

Graham (picture below): One day a black and white cat started to come into our house through our old cat flap. We were a bit weary at first (my dad having been bitten by a random cat who came in through the cat flap once before. His thumb nail still has a line down the middle where it was split in two) but we soon saw how wonderful Graham was.

I named him Graham as his black hair had little patches of grey in it and reminded me of Graham Norton. He was also incredibly camp. Graham started coming over more often, sleeping in our house and sometime eating our food.

We then decided to move house. Although we were pretty sure Graham had a home as he was well looked after, we decided to double check. We bought a collar and put a note on it asking the owners to call us. It turned out he lived in a house around the corner and was known as Tinker. He lived with his brother, a giant cat resembling a cow, who apparently bullied Graham. Seeing how attached we were to Graham the owner kindly said we could keep him since he wasn't happy living with his brother. We were overjoyed.

Graham died of leukemia a few years after we moved. It sounds cheesy but Graham was like a best friend. He will always be my favourite and most missed cat. You could have thrown him out of a window and he still would have absolutely adored you. He was a complete poser and loved having his picture taken. I miss him still to this day.

Lucy and Millie (see right): It was a hard decision to get more cats after Graham. We loved him so much and were deeply affected by his loss. I knew I wanted more cats though, and remembered how much I hated the period where we had none. I did some research online and found Millie and Lucy (or Smokey as she was then called) at a cat home about an hour away. I convinced my parents and we went to pick them up.

At first Millie came straight to the front of the pen and purred. We loved her. Lucy was bright eyed and had such a funny face. She was much more shy though, hiding in the back of the pen and not coming forward. Funnily enough once we got them home they completely changed! Lucy lapped up the attention and purred so loudly, drooling over EVERYTHING (and still to this day). Millie however hid for about 6 months. And that really isn't an exaggeration.

Millie has remained more shy over the years than Lucy but has become a lap cat more recently, loving attention and asking for it ALL the time. Millie and Lucy weren't very well looked after before we ot them. They were very thin and Lucy was matted with feces (so much so we had to admit her at the vets to have it all removed). It has taken many years encouraging Millie to trust us and there is no doubt our patience has paid off.

I love cats.

52:10 So... tell me about yourself

2011-03-11T15:57:00.004Z

I apologise in advance for this blog; my brain and body are drained. I feel like someone has stuck a needle into my brain and sucked it out. Ew. The reason for this is that I had a job interview yesterday. The interview itself was actually in London so my day was spent traveling to and from the interview (at mid-week prices we couldn't afford to spend the afternoon seeing the sights. Those train tickets ting the wallet a bit, I'll tell you that much), which, thinking about it, probably stopped me from getting as nervous as I would have had I lived right next to the interview location.

I get extremely nervous at job interviews. I sweat, I shake and I get dry mouth (luckily there was water though - something that not every interview panel thinks off so you spend the whole time with a mouth feeling worse than it does after a heavy night's drinking). In anticipation and downright fear of these things happening during the interview I prepare to death. The only trouble with this method is that you spend the following days after your interview being asked "Did they ask the questions you prepared?" and me replying "Yes but I forget to say X, Y and Z" or "I was meant to tell them about blah when I talked about myself gosh darnit".

That is a fun one isn't it? So... tell me about yourself. I guess for rather egotistical people this question is like birthday and Christmas in one. For stupidly shy people like me who deep down want to say "You have my application, I already told you about myself" you then have to pick out the most interesting details from your life so far being careful not to talk too much about completely irrelevant things but also not to bore them with solely work related history. Shiver. At least it is the first question so you can get it out of the way!

In total my interview lasted an hour, which I personally think is a pretty long time to be answering questions about yourself. Again, I really am not that interested in talking about myself - although the fact I blog about myself every week does somewhat say otherwise doesn't it? - so interviews are always a challenge. In addition to this gruelling length there a total of four people on the panel, which is always pretty daunting, but luckily they were all rather lovely people and did their best to make me feel at ease. Unlike in interviews I have had before I managed to get a good rapport going with the panel and even cracked a few jokes. In the past I am way too nervous for jokes and instead have opted to squeak and look terrified. Then again that worked before... maybe my utter lack of self confidence was appealing... maybe not.

Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, I am gazonkoed. Yes it is a word. And my silly arm that likes to play a game to see how many daily activities it can prevent me from doing is being a bugger. So I am off for a cup of tea on the sofa and nice big chillax.

__________________

Live news on Japan: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12307698

52:9 ShopaNOTic

2011-03-06T13:35:00.007Z

Why does it seem like I always do my blogs on a Sunday? Actually this week I have an excuse; I have been preparing for a job interview, which is on March 10th. In addition to my meticulous preparations I also went shopping for a new outfit yesterday. There are some occasions where a new outfit is a must and a job interview is one of them. This blog however is not about the job - no doubt next week's will explore how wonderfully or terribly this interview goes - but it is about one of my most loathsome activities: shopping.

Me writing (moaning) about shopping is not a new thing for this blog. in fact back in June I wrote a blog call Confessions of a ShopaHateIt where I talked about: how clothes are only made for people with a cup size of C-D and casually forget the rest of us exist, how horribly unorganised the mess is that people call "the sale section" or "budget shops" and lastly how shopping reminds me of how low my self esteem can get.

In addition to these things I also have a ridiculous guilt complex about shopping. I feel awful spending money on something when clothes when there are children starving in the world. I love the whole idea of fashion and the art form behind creating clothing but at the end of the day it isn't a huge priority in the grand scale of global issues. For these reasons I usually spend a long time debating whether or not something is good value and either end up buying it but feeling guilty or not buying through fear of feeling guilty. Call me wishy-washy but that is just the way I am.

The shopping trip to buy my interview outfit however went really well. I think the main reason for this was going with my husband. I am sure he will deny this but he is also my 'gay best friend' (hate on me hater for the politically incorrect statement). For example when I was trying on a purple undershirt in one shop the sales assistant was smiling at us because James said "That would look really good with a statement necklace". I kind of love that man to death.

I also think perhaps my shopping trip went well because I knew I needed to get something and I knew along what lines that outfit needed to be. I knew I wanted something formal but with a bit of colour: I ended up getting a really nice dark grey trouser suit with purple undershirt and statement necklace (as suggested by my amazing husband of course). The whole trip went well and quickly with me making decisive decisions until James said the dreaded words: "We should also get some new shoes for you as well".

DUN DUN DUN.

Whenever shoe shopping is mentioned this is when the panic sets in. I suddenly find myself looking around the shopping centre for the quickest exit points or trying hard to convince my shopping partner that my second-hand five year old boots that give me a leg rash aren't actually that bad after all. However James was quite adamant that new shoes were a must and so, slightly hyperventilating, we looked around a shoe shop.

I have always hated show shopping because my feet are a weird shape. My feet aren't flat but they look it because my ankles roll in. Due to this my little toes never fully developed properly and instead I have a weird extra bit of bone that grows from the side of my foot to compensate. As such heels are a definite no-no, which is a shame because a) if I could where them I would have a total heel fetish because I think they are so sexy and b) most boots have at least a kitten heel or, if they don't, they look like they are designed for some kind of unknown heavy duty woman's boot wearing event that has no concept of the feminine.

You will be pleased to know however that I managed to find a pair of boots that had neither a heel nor were heavy duty wear, though they do have trainer soles and rock solid linings... but then I had to compromise somewhere. With a pair of thick socks or some party feet I am good to go. Considering i have had the same pair f trainers for about five years I think I have done pretty well this weekend!

I am still a shopaNOTic rather than a shopaholic but hopefully my new outfit will help me win over my interviewers by showing them what a lovely professional young woman I am. Or some shit. You never know.

52:8 Home alone

2011-02-27T17:38:00.005Z

I have had an interesting week. My parents went away for most of it meaning that my husband and I actually had the house to ourselves. I love my parents to bits but as soon as we can move out I am going to be singing from the rooftops in joy! Of course sod's law always loving to mess with us James was working till 8pm on my days off so we didn't actually get that much time together after all.

Now, I realised something during this week; I am really terrible at being alone. Awful. I have discovered that being alone is a skill and it is definitely one which I do not possess.

Let me make something clear: I like my personal space. I even enjoy my alone time, which I am just not very good at. It is just that to be alone effectively one has to find something to do whether that be productive or pure entertainment.

Where I think I am rubbish at being on my own is because in terms of productivity I have found that the more time I have to myself the less productive I am. If I have two hours to myself I will do a list of chores and tasks as long as my arm and be quite content in doing so. Give me a whole day to do the same amount and I will probably only start half the tasks and then give up half of those.

In terms of entertainment I am also at a loss. I will sit down to play a video game and be completely bored of it within half an hour. I think I have a half hour entertainment limit during extended alone time. Probably because I feel guilty about not being productive (which, as I have explained, I am not).

I think I have determined a limit of about four hours. It is enough time to do some housework and have some fun before getting completely bored with life. At the end of a whole day I am pretty much staring into space feeling sorry for myself and refreshing my emails every two seconds in the hope that my husband will email me from work.

Pathetic, isn't it? Well maybe but I am sure I am not alone in these thoughts (see the pun). I think I am basically just selfish when it comes to personal space and time to myself. I want to be alone at times when it suits me but then want to be with friends and family when I get bored. The first step is admitting these things though!

I am a hopeless case.

52:7 Congratulations on reading this title

2011-02-19T17:36:00.007Z

I want to talk about something that has been really upsetting me lately (and something that shouldn't upset me at all), and that is reading. You see, since my lovely husband James' birthday he has read 4 and half books. That is an average of 1.5 a week. Me on the other hand is averaging what seems like about 1.5 a year. This makes me sad. Let us delve into the complexities of my brain now for a few minutes to find out why.

I want to get something straight right here: I love reading*. I love it. I love delving into tales of another place or another world or another culture or another where ever. Because it isn't here. Not to say my life is awful by any stretch of the imagination. My life is wonderful. But maybe it is wonderful because I can escape and let my imagination run wild every now and then. What can be more healthy than exercising your most vital organ with thoughts that are fun, dangerous, wild, magical, exciting... Yes. I love reading.

So the question to pose now then is why have I taken months and months to read this one book. Is it that I am not enjoying it? Hellz no. I am certainly not one of those people who forces myself to read a book that I am not enjoying just because I think I should. There are millions of books in the world all just as worthy to be read (ok... maybe some are less worthy - I am looking at you Mills and Boon). But my point is that why should I waste my time reading one paragraph at a time of The Host, How to be Good or Wicked when I could be reading Harry Potter again. And I mean that without any sarcasm. Believe me.

So maybe it is because the book is non-fiction? Well, maybe. There is something about non-fiction that makes me read slower. I think that when I am reading about a completely fictional person or world my brain has a bigger license to run wild. I can let the stories flow over me and my brain just jumps up and down at the chance of thinking about something new. Whereas when I read non-fiction I want to get my image right. I want to be building an accurate snapshot of what really happened, so I suppose I focus more on every page.

The thing here is that finding out why I am taking so long to read this book is not my biggest worry. My worry is that I am taking so long at all. I have a large pile of books waiting to be read that my brain is itching to get to every second. But yet I am enjoying what I am reading! I don't want to abandon this book just because I am inpatient to get onto something I can read faster. What do I do?

Anyway, the point is that weird ol' me with this weird ol' brain of mine feels completely guilty about the whole thing. I feel like a failure as a self-confessed nerd that I can't even get through more than one book a month. It is funny because give me a day off work with nothing else to do and I will read a book in a few hours. I am quite happy to sit and read from 8am till 4am the next day if the book is right (thank you Harry Potter 7).

I guess I feel like I am judging myself for being a book lover but not proving it to the world by reading like a maniac. It seems like my free time has melted away into responsibility and to-do-lists. It probably hasn't, I just like being dramatic and emo in my blogs sometimes.

It is darn tootin' pickle of a situation.

*Before I go I want to tell you quickly about an embarrassing University incident. When I was deciding which module to take I talked to the tutor teaching 'adaptation' and told her that I hate reading to order because when I am rushed I can't concentrate. Anyway I ended up taking this module and before class one day I was stood outside the room reading. The tutor comes along and says - in front of the entire class - "Oh look, the girl who hates reading has a nose in her book". Everyone gave me a "You hate reading?" kind of look. I retorted "I love reading. I LOVE it. I just prefer reading books of my own choosing". I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Ack.

If anyone has any blog topics for future posts let me know in the comments.

52:6 WhyWatchers

2011-02-12T10:35:00.005Z

I hate to alienate my readers (of which I am certain there is 1-3) but I wanted to talk about weight again. A week ago today I joined WeightWatchers with a goal weight loss target of 16lbs. The reason I joined was twofold. Firstly, I realised that instead of just hoping I would one day learn to love my flab I could actually do something about it - to give my body confidence an extra big boost. And secondly I chose WeightWatchers because my friend Megan recently reached her goal weight after losing 60lbs on the diet. That is some serious WeightWatchering right there.

My second blog of Project 52 'Oh to be Marilyn...' discussed body confidence. Today I want to revisit this topic because I have an extra point to add to the list of people I take issue with. If you can't remember my blog I had something of an of an epiphany:

"There are two sets of people that I take issue with: 1) People with a lovely figure who spend their time moaning that they are disgustingly fat and unhealthy because they have only been to the gym 5 times this week instead of 7 (undoubtedly said while wearing their skintight mini-dress) and 2) People who are totally and utterly confident about the way they look.

I take issue with 1 because it is the law that everyone takes issue with these people. And I take issue with 2 because I want to be one of those people but I'm not. However if there is one thing that has helped me get closer to category 2 than ever before, i.e. the thing I realised that blew my mind, is this: everyone, including you, is someone else's category 1"

The point I want to add is 3) People that tell you how you should feel about your body. But before I get into that point I suppose I should quickly explain how WeightWatchers works: WeightWatchers uses a points, or ProPoints, system. ProPoints takes into account the carbs, fibre, fat and protein in your food and allocates a number of points to that food. Instead of counting calories you are counting these points, which provides a bit more balance to your diet plan. To give you an idea, beans on toast with a sprinkling of cheese would be about 8 ProPoints.

I personally have 29 points a day to use and luckily most fruit and vegetables are zero points so you can fill up on them if you run out of ProPoints. The idea is not to restrict the quantities of food you are eating... it is more about eating smarter and healthier and, most importantly, losing weight steadily so it stays off. There is also an extra 49 points a week to use if you want to treat yourself.

Science bit over let me explain why I am annoyed by people who tell you how you should look. Yesterday I told my nana that i had joined Weight Watchers. Her response? "You don't need to lose weight." Now this is a pretty standard response I'll give you that. And heck, don't get me wrong I have said it too - we have all said it.

I was put out by my nana's comment. I felt I then had to explain "oh I only want to lose a little bit". Then again, why should I have to explain myself? I am not obese or overweight but that shouldn't mean I can't stand to lose a few pounds! I don't need to lose weight, I want to. And as long as I stay in my healthy BMI category I really can't see why this would be an issue.

If you have a look at this BMI diagram I am currently edging on the over-weight end of the OK range. My goal weight is slap bang in the middle of OK. If that is a bad choice to make then frak it.

I do understand that people say "you don't need to be on a diet"with the best intention. Unfortunately what they are also telling you is that you have made a poor decision, or at least an unnecessary one. The problem is that people assume you want to be a stick if you so much as hint you'd like to lose some weight. But I don't want to be stick thin at all! I just to feel healthier and more confident. If people aren't supportive of that then it is a little sad*.

*FYI I am not saying that anyone who says "you don't need to lose weight" is unsupportive, especially not my nana. I am just talking generally about the phrase being tossed around without consideration of its impact.

If you have stuck with me through this blog, and I hope you have because I really enjoy writing them, then i will tell you my week's weight loss. I joined last Saturday with my mum - a long time WeightWatcherer - and this morning was my first weigh in...

I lost 2lbs. I am really chuffed, and I hope you are too.

52:5 Holy Cheesus

2011-02-04T09:18:00.017Z

I am a Gleek, but the episode of Glee titled "Grilled Cheesus" has got to be the worst so far. The whole episode was about religion and spirituality. I had no problem with the theme of the episode - in fact, as a disclaimer, I have no issue with religion or spirituality at all - but the way it was done was poor and encapsulated many of the things that bother me about spirituality.

I knew I had to blog. I will keep the Glee part short for those of you cringing right now.

The basic premise of this episode was that Kurt's dad had a heart attack. Everyone begins praying for him but Kurt is not religious. Thus begins an episode about spirituality. For a better recap in video form click here.

I am going to get straight to the part that I took issue with. If you watched the recap video yo

u will have heard the presenter say "When Mercedes gets him (Kurt) to go to her church to listen to the choir he realises that he does have respect for others and their spirituality". The episode was all about Kurt accepting his friends' beliefs. This is a lovely sentiment and we can all go about with our day

... but wait a second...

From my point of view Kurt always respected the religion of his friends. When he got angry at them praying by his dad's bed side I don't think this was an issue of respect for religion. This was a boy unable to cope with his father's comatose state and upset that his friends would pray by his bedside after he explicitly explained why he doesn't believe. Instead of listening to Kurt's wishes and praying for his father in their own space (church, home, freaking anywhere else) they chose to do it right in Kurt's face and then were offended when Kurt was upset.

To me this episode wasn't showing me an atheist not respecting religion. It was religious people not respecting atheism. The only religious person who showed any sign of respecting atheism was Finn - and this was only because he lost faith in his grilled cheese (cheese toastie to us Brits), which had the face of Jesus burnt into it.

I roll my eyes. Okay, now for the non-Glee related bit.

I think most people who know me are aware that I am not a religious person. I went to church as a child but I can never remember myself believing in God. Whether I am right or wrong not to be a religious person is neither here or there.

Now as with everything there are trends that come in and out of fashion. The current trend is to talk about spirituality rather than religion because this is inclusive of people that may not particularly align themselv

es with a faith, but that believe in an 'inner path' or that they can connect to something immaterial. (Excuse my crude definition).

I take issue not with the idea or practices of spirituality, I take issue with the fact that I am constantly told that if I am not spiritual then I am missing something. When I say 'told' I do not mean people directly say this to my face but I mean on a more subconscious, wide reaching level; there seems to be an inherent belief that not everyone is religious but everyone is spiritual in some way or another. (The very fact I felt it necessary to put a disclaimer at the top of this post that I am not disrespecting religion or faith or spirituality is an example of this!)

So that is my issue. The reaction to this Glee episode, and the way it was presented was the fact that the emphasis is always put on non-religious people respecting religion. But in that episode of Glee no one is trying to see life from a non-religious point of view. Instead they all try to convince Kurt that religion is respectable and important to those who believe... which Kurt never denied in the first place!

Sigh.

QUESTION FOR THE COMMENTS: What are your beliefs? Tell me in the comments :)

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If you are interested - this is what I believe in:

"Humanists seek to make the best of the one life we have by creating meaning and purpose for ourselves. We choose to take responsibility for our actions and work with others for the common good [...]

Humanists do not believe in a God or gods, or any other supernatural or divine entities. Humanists do not think that the universe needs a divine power outside of itself in order to have value. We, inside the universe, determine its value. We think that other people, for example, are moral concerns, not because they are made in the image of Something Else, but because of who they are in themselves."

52:4 Oh to be an elephant

2011-01-30T18:24:00.002Z

Lots of people say it, but my memory really does suck. I have had times in my life where I have ended up in tears because I have forgotten something and just can't fathom why. You better believe that I would buy the DS Brain Training game if I actually had a DS to play it with.

It is funny though. People always come up with ways to help you. My favourite one is to write things down. Now this is a great idea. A fantastic idea. The best idea in the world! Oh, if only I remembered to check my to do list... hmmm.

Alas, I think my brian is just lazy!

My best way to deal with it is to convince myself I have got to do something until it becomes part of my life. For example I never forget to do my Sunday Vlogtag video because it is just part of my life as much as I remember to eat lunch or check my emails. This blog also - the same!

I guess this may appear on the outside that I am highly strung and neurotic... but really I force myself to worry about many things for fear of completely forgetting them!

Anyway I haven't been that inspired to write this week so that is all you are getting. Here is a poem to end on. I wrote it in about three minutes so please don't judge too harshly.

So Mister Elephant never forgets
not anyone's birthday.
He remembers to always feed his pets
and knows his lines to say.
They say he has a wonderous mind
of majestic memory.
His brain will never just go blind,
he recalls perfectly.
Mister Elephant knows to pay his rent
and knows the time for tea.
Oh to be an elephant
of infinite memory.

52:3 Routine, my contradiction

2011-01-20T20:32:00.010Z

Routine. This may sound like quite a boring topic to talk about today but it is actually something that affects all of us. And it can either be the bane of your life or in fact the way you cope with daily pressures. Or if you are really annoying (like me) it can be both.

Lately I have found myself craving routine... I have a husband and more than anything I just want to settle down with him. Now when I say settle down please don't interpret that as popping out kids or giving back the badge of spontaneity; in fact what I want right now is quite the opposite. I want us to have a content, economically stable, stress-free life so we can just get on with the fun part of be married: Living together (with a capital L).

I have to point out here that I realise how ironic it is to need a stable life to be able to be impulsive. I guess I am a complicated woman!

There has been a bit of a discussion in Vlogtag (my Youtube collab) this week about impulse versus planning. My take on it is that there seems to be an inherent acceptance that if you are an impulsive person then you are somehow more free, dangerous and fun loving than planners. In my opinion being an organised person (lower case o) doesn't stop me from making quick decisions from the heart (or the id)... it actually just makes me more aware of the repercussions of that decision both positive and negative.

Besides I don't subscribe to the thought that fun loving and dangerous go hand in hand. I try and lead with my heart wherever possible... I guess I like my brain too much to forget about it altogether. Using this diagram as an example I guess I aim to make my decisions go straight down!

Now I did mention earlier that I use routine and organisation to cope with pressures but that it can also be the bane of my life. Let me briefly explain the latter part...

Recently I have been helping out some administrative tasks at work due to one of our PAs being off sick. By the way I started with zero admin skills and have maybe improved bout 10%... I didn't even know that a printer could staple things. I found this out after three hours of stapling.

I digress.

Anyway helping out with the admin side of things has really emphasised how I not only love creativity but I *need* it. A few years ago I worked in a pathology lab, which basically involved loading blood samples onto the testing machine. Oh and taking them off again. I lasted a week. I realised that I need creativity to maintain my mental wellbeing.

Luckily one BA Hons degree later I have a job that keeps my mind happy (most of the time!) I have a different day every time I go into work: sometimes I'll be writing a press release about PTSD, sometimes I'll be designing a newsletter (this is my first solo attempt at designing) and sometimes I'll be writing a communications plan to improve a team's internal presence. Mix my creativity with my instinctive need to be organised, and bingo! You get Helen Abbott the communications officer.

Let me know your thoughts. Are you organised? Do you enjoy planning and preparing for things? Do you live your life from moment to moment? Do you think that is a good or bad thing? Discuss.

52:2 Oh to be Marilyn...

2011-01-14T10:45:00.014Z

I want to talk this week about the dreaded topic of all dreaded topics: weight and body confidence. You see, every year my New Year's resolution is always to lose weight... not because I am permanently unhappy about the way I look but because I ate for a freakin' army during Christmas and now have a nice muffin top in my definately-not-skinny-jeans. Of course what my resolution should be is to get body confident - something that you can have regardless of the amount of cellulite your thighs have... which is a good thing for me.

Now, despite having moments of crisis like I am at the moment (and moments of crisis usually lead to binge eating sweets), over the past few years my body confidence has actually grown. Why? Maybe my subconcious brain is thinking "I bagged a man so I don't have to worry about how I look anymore - score!"... or perhaps because I discovered Gok Wan... or maybe because I have become part of the Nerdfighter community, which emphasizes brains and culture over weight and fashion... In reality it is a mixture of all three plus something that I have realised that kind of changed the way I think. I'll explain.

There are two sets of people that I take issue with: 1) People with a lovely figure who spend their time moaning that they are disgustingly fat and unhealthy because they have only been to the gym 5 times this week instead of 7 (undoubtedly said while wearing their skintight mini-dress) and 2) People who are totally and utterly confident about the way they look.

I take issue with 1 because it is the law that everyone takes issue with these people. And I take issue wwith 2 because I want to be one of those people but I'm not. However if there is one thing that has helped me get closer to category 2 than ever before, i.e. the thing I realised that blew my mind, is this:

everyone, including you, is someone else's category 1.

Just think about that for a while.

In the meantime I just want to focus on something that I really like about myself - my figure. Regardless of your weight (well unless you are 80 stone in which case it is pretty hard to tell) everyone fits into a certain figure like the ones here. I am an hourglass - big boobs, small waist and big hips - which luckily is my favourite type of figure. Of course unluckily this is not the 1950s where Marilyn Monroe's georgous size 14 hourglass figure was the height of glamour... in fact I think she'd be hard done by to find a high street top and jeans that fitted her boobs and hips respectively (Gandalf knows I have trouble!) But I like my shape. I just need to love the figure on the tape measure.

I am going to leave this blog here for today. Thanks for reading and don't forget to comment.

52:1 Positivity. Capital P.

2011-01-03T15:34:00.008Z

Last night, when I was having trouble sleeping due to my amazing yet currently snuffly husband's snoring, I was thinking about the things that happened to me over 2010.I made the movie lover's pilgrimage to Hollywood, I sang in line to Disney's Splash Mountain with an echo microphone, I got married with a quietly romantic ceremony, I became an aunt to the world' most photographed baby (see below), I started presenting live on the radio and learned how to supress swear words, etc, etc.

Yet despite these awesome things happening the year was interspliced with my husband James' visa applications (despite what the Daily Mail newspaper might say it is not that easy to get into this country) and being what felt like 10000 mile apart (where in actual fact it was a mere 5000 miles). These rather irritating bitchslaps in the face of romance made the year also a little bit of a blur. It was for this reason that I came up with Project 52.

Project 52 is simple; I will write one blog every week (on a non-specific day) about my life which will hopefully be as interesting as it was last year or you may all be crying with boredom by February 1st. My husband is also going to do the project alongside me over on his blog, which you can read by clicking here. If you like the sound of an Army veteran with a penchant for mustard and the hots for Marvel then you'll muchly enjoy his blog.

For the first week I'd like to tell you about another project that I am working on which, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you may already know about. Back in January 2010 James and I started a film review blog called He Said She Said. We do joint reviews of cinema releases, me trying to hold back my tendancy to spill into academic ramblings and James trying hard to meet my irrational need for 100% correct capital letters.

So here we are a year later and we have decided to branch out into the world of Youtube. We uploaded our first ever (with the exception of a charity video for our local animal shelter) He Said She Said video which, despite me getting carried away with iMovie's film strip transitions, turned out pretty good:

We are hoping to have a lot of fun with both He Said She Said and Project 52 this year. I hope this somewhat meandering trail through my thoughts hasn't put you off wanting to stick around. See you next week.

Hugs galore.

For Classy Ladies only please

2010-11-20T22:52:00.003Z

Attention Classy Ladies!

If you are reading this and haven't got a clue what a Classy Lady is then thank you so much for checking this out but politely buggar off now. If you want to comment on something go read my movie blog http://www.hesaidshesaidfm.blogspot.com. It is swell.

Everyone who is left can you do us a favour pretty please? James and I would like our big wedding in autumn (faaaallll) 2012 although we are flexible with when at the moment. People that we invite here in the UK are pretty much going to be able to work around any date because they won't be travelling thousands of miles like you guys.

With this in mind can you please think about where you might be in autumn 2012 and indicate what is best for you date-wise on the poll below. VERY IMPORTANT - considering we just used a crappy free generator PLEASE also write your answer in the comments in case the results don't work!

Don't stress - it is just to give us an idea so we aren't holding anyone to anything. If you say you are availbale one date and realise you aren't next month it really isn;t an issue. We just aren't 'up' on when is best for people who are at school so we need something to go on really! Oh we also won't be offended if you just don't want to come or decide you don't between now and the wedding :)

We look forward to seeing the results! H and J

(Disclaimer - we can't guarantee we can make it at the most popular time but we'll see what we can do. We'll probably set a date in the Spring some time we reckon)

Early morning musings

2010-10-10T03:38:00.003+01:00

Why is it that it is always 3:30am when your body decides to not work but your brain comes alive? This blog is about self motivation, or, more precisely, try to ascertain why I have none. It may not make much sense but hey - it is early morning! What do you expect from me!?

The reason I am up is because I have muscle damage in my right thigh. If you read my pre-VidCon blogs you will already know about my joint problems so forgive me for the slight recap for those who don't: I have something called 'benign joint hypermobility syndrome'. It is quite a general term for double-jointedness, which is caused by a collagen deficiency in the joints.. However where some people have double-jointedness for the good (like dancers or gymnasts), silly Helen here has the bad kind... the kind that just causes pain. Chronic pain. Oh joy.

I won't go into the history of my joint pain because that isn't what this blog is about. If you are interested in that you can read my previous blog by clicking here. No, I am writing this blog because it has occured to me that it is time I made a change. But I need some self motivation. And for some reason, that is a really scary statement.

There are two things I can do which will help my joint pain (which also causes other pain, the worst being neuropathic pain i.e. nerve twinges i.e. fucking ow) and they are: 1) medication and 2) pilates.

Medication seems like a pretty obvious one and I of course take painkillers when things are bad. However I am meant to take amitriptalyne which is, if you run to look it up, is an tricyclic anti-depressant and works as a sort of muscle relaxant. I used to take this for a long time as well as regular painkillers every four hours. Thing is taking up to 17 tablets in one day kind of made me worry that my insides would turn to mush. So I went it solo without.

Pilates I also tried out and then stopped. Gentle exercise such as pilates or tai chi (NOT yoga - weird body shapes is really unhelpful) build muscle without causing impact damage. Stronger muscles support the joints and less injuries occur. I have no real reason for stopping this, or the medication for that matter, other than I completely lack self motivation. It is a cop-out excuse, I know, but there you have it.

I think because I have tried things in the past that haven't worked I have become disillusioned to the point of not even trying any more. And while I try my best to not complain and just get on with my life as normal my lifestyle has changed dramtically over the past few years. And I realised, in my now 4am tiredness, that I haven't done a single thing to help myself.

So my question is why? Why do I not possess the self-motivation to do what I can for myself to make sure I can maintain a normal life? Why is it so scary to take control? I don't feel like one of those people who are scared to fail. I don't feel depressed. I literally have no excuse except laziness and low self esteem.

I want to be the type of person to take the bull by the horns. I dont want to be 'that' person who spends their life preaching to others about helping themselves and doing good in the world or making a differense but completely forget to apply the same thinking to my own life.

I don't want to change my body and my pains; I want to change my attitude. I want to gain self motivation to help myself make my own life easier. The hypermobility is both a catalyst and an effect but it is not the issue here. I want to make a mental change - less pain will be my reward I guess.

Anyway I am going back to bed now. Night.

ClassyCon Moments

2010-07-20T16:41:00.008+01:00

If you are new to my blog then you may not know I have recently attended VidCon, a conference for Youtube content generators in Los Angeles, CA. It was an amazing experience mainly due to the fact I could share all the magical and exciting moments with best friends, old and new.

My georgous friend Beth recapped some of her favourite moments with the vlogtaggers (Vlogtag is our collab channel) from VidCon in her video this week. You can watch it by clicking here. And, like all successful content creators do, I am going to steal her idea.

Here are my top moments shared with each of my Classy Ladies. If you want to put faces to names then I have annotated the picture at the end of my VidCon montage:

James - You proposing to me on Santa Monica pier. This is highlight of my entire life, let alone this summer.

Kayla - Your part in the Splash Mountain echo mic picture. Because I would have gone for holding on too!

Molly and Chris - Watching you orchestrate and judge Calvin Ball.

Kim and Will - Obviously forming The Commonwealths. Duh.

Adam - Dancing with you on the way to pick up the girls from the airport even though we were in seperate cars.

Bobby - The Harry Potter Alliance video for Justin, er... Andrew Slack.

Bill - I love the fact that you were the only person equally as scared as me in the queues at Disneyland.

Leslie - Our 574905769302847 BOOBHUGS. I think we need to beat this record next time.

Megan - Being Bathroom Buddies. This will sound really weird to anyone who isn't us.

Karissa - You giving me an 'I love LA' tshirt. Thank you!

Beth - Our threesome of course!

Heather - Being FlipCam winners together of course.

Amber - You showing us the Hollywood sign and the stars and handprints. Best tourguide ever!

Mary Kate - THE CLAWWWWWW. And the slapbracelet incident.

Of course there are so many moments to pick from but these are just some of them that stand out to me right now. I will be putting up a top moments vlog when I am back in England (I fly out on Friday) with my top moments from my time in So-Cal. Stay tuned for that!

I'll be starting a regular blog project when I am back and settled in the home land again. So if you aren't following my blog please do so now (because I am ill and it will make me happy).

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT ARE YOUR TOP MOMENTS OF THE SUMMER SO FAR?

VCB 29: Life's candy and the sun's a bowl of butter

2010-07-08T00:45:00.011+01:00

So today I am writing my blog in San Franscico (well Oakland because we are cheap) and on the 7 hour drive James and I were thinking about things to write in my blog today. We went through several ideas but the one I decided on was musicals! I am a big musical lover and although I haven't seen as many as I'd like here are 5 (in no particular order) that I have seen and loved.

1. Blood Brothers - I saw the touring production of this in Nottingham with James and my friends Michelle and Paul. What a brilliant production. Everything from the get go tell you that it is a classy, sophisticaed and unique muscial.

Unlike most musicals which simply burst into song at the drop of a hat the lyrics are much more storytelling. It seemed darker and grittier than other musicals because it took away the lighter, fluffier songs you are used to. It is SO difficult to explain so please just go and see it!

2. The Lion King - This was the first musical I saw on the West End in London. I went with my sister and my aunt, and my friends Karen and Michelle. This is probably the most visually incredible musical I have seen. As you can see from the picture below the animals are created by a mix of costume and puppetry which is so well done. It really allows the actors to bring their characters to life.

The best part of the whole show was the entrance scene i.e. the Circle of Life song. The animals/people all come in up the aisles towards the stage. Seeing them close like that along with the singing coming from all around not just out from the stage was just amazing. I think we all had tears by the end of the scene.

3. Billy Elliot - This musical I saw with my sister and my friends Michelle and Sarah. We were very lucky to see one of the preview performances (which we hadn't realised when we got the tickets) and as a thank you all got a free Billy Elliot DVD. Woop!

The musical is grittier than the film taking a more political dip into the miners strike. My favourite scene was a riot with the miners and police on opposite sides of the stage taunting each other. I think you might benefit from a bit of backround knowledge about the strikes of the 80s before seeing this but just like the film it is emotionally a very powerful production.

4. Wicked - James and I saw this in London together when he came to stay in Sept 09. We had both been itching to see it for years and already knew quite a few of the songs such as Popular and Defying Gravity. It is one of our most memorable dates and we absolutely loved it! We want to see it again though!

I really enjoyed finding out the back story of the Wicked Witch of the West (Wicked is set before and during the Wizard of Oz if you didn't know). It gives you a different perspective on the whole story. On the plane over here I watch the Wizard of Oz for the first time since seeing Wicked which was really fun. I wish they would do a film of the production so everyone can enjoy it.

5. Chicago - For James' 30th birthday I bought him tickets for us to see Chicago in the London West End. I expect most people have seen the film and the musical is just as raunchy, sassy and sexy. The red and black costumes/design is really powerful but of course the best thing is the style of dancing as originally choreographed by Bob Fosse.

Fosse's style is quite unique and very hard to explain. I suggest looking him up on Youtube. It is based on jazz and sex I would say, as is the film Chicago - it is very razzle dazzle but looks so good for something so unnatural. As I said, I can't explain. Just go and see it.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT MUSICAL DO YOU MOST WANT TO SEE NEXT?
My answer: I would love to see the Wizard of Oz in London when it starts next year. James and I watched the TV show Over the Rainbow to find the lead girl and she is really fantastic. We will definately be purchasing tickets at the earliest opportunity!

VCB 28: Making friends

2010-07-06T19:28:00.005+01:00

Today my blog is about making friends and my ups and downs with this seemingly easy, yet suprisingly difficult endeavour. I think I may have touched on this before in a previous blog but allow me to expand now.

In just a few days I will be seeing my amazing friends that I met through Youtube at VidCon in Los Angeles. I know them, and love them, and they make me happy. But what about the thousand people I don't know there? Will I make new friends? I am 99.9% excited for VidCon and yet there is a 0.1% that is the shy part of my brain working against me. Evil 0.1%

I should start by saying that as a child I was fantastic at making friends. When we went on holiday to caravan parks or to hotels with kids' clubs I always got on with people really well. In fact when I was about 10 I met a girl called Lisa at a Butlins holiday (for non-Brits reading this Butlins is a chain which is famous for children's entertainment ran by people in red coats). I got on so well that I stayed with her at her house for several weeks!

I also remember going on holiday to a place called Milfield which was where you could take activity leisure courses. The first year I went I took the generic children's course which is a load of fun activities (painting, ceramics, drama, BMXing, quad biking etc). On our way to the first activity on the first day I made a joke about cows having conference meetings and bam! I had instant friends.

It is funny though how getting older changes you. As I became older and more mature I found it harder to interact with strangers (except for when I am drunk of course). Perhaps this was a result of being teased at school but my confidence and self esteem sunk pretty low. It has been a battle to get it back up, even with the help of my wonderful friends and family.

Nowadays I chop and change. If I am in the right mood I can make new friends and have fun, easy conversations with new people. But then the next day (or even next hour) I will get stressed and nervous and panic about making friends. When I feel like that it is generally because I perceive what I have to say as boring and so never bother to say it. Irrational? Yes, very!

With the help of projects such as Youtube and my work at Felixstowe Radio (and the support of my boyfriend) though these moments have got less and less. In fact I think I worry more about being shy than I do actually get shy! In the actual moment I am happy to go with the flow. So why do brains insist on keeping that 0.1% in the back of your head when it is so irrelevant? I wish I knew.

My thoughts on the subject are this: I want to meet new people but at the end of the day, even if I never make a single new friend I have some amazing ones already who I love spending time with online and of course IRL. Plus I have a perfect boyfriend who I share everything with! I guess what I am trying to say is that low self esteem is a bitch, but I have great people who make me happy and make me a better, more confident person.

I can't wait to meet new people at VidCon and will be coming armed with 'Hello my name is...' stickers for people to sign their username for me to keep. As of this moment that 0.1%... it can go to hell. I am way too excited for my time in Los Angeles to worry about what-ifs and maybes. I am ready to have the time of my life with a community of the world's most kind and intelligent people; nerdfighters.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A SHY OR A CONFIDENT PERSON?
My answer: Overall I guess I am a bit of both as this blog hopefully showed. I think I would describe myself as a loud introvert... or maybe a shy extrovert... something like that.

VCB 27: Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

2010-07-06T03:26:00.007+01:00

Yesterday I talked a bit about nature so it only seems fair that today's blog be about animals. If you weren't aware already I am a big animal lover (goats excluded - they are undoubtedly evil) and enjoy seeing animals at zoos and farms and of course in the wild and at home.

My favourite domestic animal are cats. They are graceful, charming, have bags of personality, are loyal and yet still maintain independence. Despite what dog lovers say, cats can also be a 'man's best friend'. However I don't want this blog to turn into a dog versus cat kind of debate for two reasons: 1) it is old and will be boring and 2) I would win so it wouldn't be fair.

Today was my first excursion to a safari park! We went there upon the special request of Marry (James' mum) whose birthday it is today. If you have never been to a safari park then basically it is a zoo that you drive through. The animals are (for the most part) walking around across the roads and you get a really good look. The more dangerous animals such as lions and tigers and bears are in large pens.

As I said, I love animals but while I love zoos I find it a bittersweet day out. I hate seeing wild animals in small cages without space to roam. Luckily a safari park has noted this and gives the animals large areas to move about with different sections for the different continents.

There were too many animals to name but some of the ones I had never seen before include a possum, a something beginning with c which was the world's largest rodent and the black bear... or was it the brown bear? I saw both. I am sure there were more but my memory is terrible.

They also had a hedgehog enclosure in the walk-in part which I have actaully seen lots of (inlcuding multiple squished ones)! It is funny how you never think that common animals in one country or area are a marvel in another. To me looking at a hedgehog was pretty ordinary, but still cute of course. I guess it is the same kind of thing when I marvel at raccoons.

My favourite animal ever is the giraffe of which I saw several today. They are the most fascinating creatures! So elegant and graceful but yet at the same time completely... odd. At the park there was a special feeding truck ahead so they were walking into the road as we approaches them. It was great to see them so close. Ah! I just find them so beautiful!

We spent quite a few hours exploring the park - the drive itself being about an hour at least. We went in Ted's (James' dad) Land Cruiser which was very fitting for a safari park. I felt like we could have gone off-road to the service areas and breeding parks and nobody would have batted an eyelid. We just needed some safari hats and mosquito nets to complete the look!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE DOMESTIC AND/OR WILD ANIMAL?
My answer: I have told you about cats and giraffes but I am also a big fan of birds of prey. I love the way they look so elegant and magestic as the glide; very powerful and grand. Owls are my favourite kind of bird in particular. I want one as a pet - if only I attended Hogwarts eh?!

VCB 26: Mother Nature

2010-07-05T01:04:00.013+01:00

Today I would like to talk about the biggest wonder of the world; nature. Forget the Eiffel Tower, forget the Hoover Dam and forget the Pyramids of Giza - without a doubt the biggest marvels in the world are those that humans had no hand in. It astounds me nearly every day how beautiful, powerful and wild nature is from crashing oceans to serene valleys. It gives me chills.

I was grateful today - which, by the way, is my first 4th July in the USA - that James' parents took us to a waterfall called Fall Creek Falls. The drive there was amazing for a start. You know postcards of places with clear rivers with rapids surrounded by mountains of tall evergreens? Well it was like that... except I was seeing it in real life.

Being in the car I couldn't get a great picture. In fact I think Kai (Marry and Ted's dog) had the best view chilling in the back of the pick-up, his ears flapping in the wind. Below is the best picture I could get of the scenery but really, it doesn't do it justice:

When we got to the bottom of the walk us females used the lovely public toilet. If there is one thing that every country has in common it is bad public restrooms. I remember when I visited the Great Wall of China that the toilets were terrible and dirty and smelly. Plus they didn't have western ones and I am ALL FOR embracing different cultures but seriously... I hate squatting to pee.

Back to the pretty visual images though! It took about 25 minutes walking to get up to the falls and boy, was it beautiful. Marry and I kept stumbling as we looked around marvelling at the wonders Mother Nature had put there. The river was running down creating little mini falls and rapids. And on either side there were tree lined banks.

Many, many trees had fallen across other trees and across the river. I wish that I could explain how the light caught the green mossy trunks with the glittering water below! I enjoyed that these trees were left as they fell, with humans intefering as little as possible in the natural environment. Of course the paths were cleared... mostly... Ted and I helped out a bit:

At the top we spent some time in the cool spray before continuing up. I can now say I have climbed to the top of a waterfall! It was so geargous. Higher up I could see the tree lined mountains on the other side of the valley. They reminded me of when I was skiing in Austria. But Oregon is much more beauiful!

I think I should end before I get carried away. But all in all the trip was really fun, and it was great to get out among the bugs and ferns and posion oak (although we avoided this). I also got to test out my new walking sandals which I bought yesterday for the specific reason of getting to properly explore Oregon's sites.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT NATURAL BEAUTY WOULD YOU LOVE TO SEE BEFORE YOU DIE?
My answer: I would love to see Milford Sound which is in New Zealand. The water looks crisp and fresh and the fjords so lushcious. I just want to explore New Zealand! Any part will do!

VCB 25: Hopped off a plane at PDX

2010-07-04T03:45:00.005+01:00

Having spent most of yesterday in them I want to discuss airplanes and aiports As I'm sure you're aware I am currently in Orgeon (and was travelling to it yesterday - James kindly posted an obscene and blasphemous blog in my absences). My journey began at 6am British time and finished at 6am British time (about 10pm local time). So yeah... it was a long day.

I want to share with you some of my thoughts and observations from my journey. Let's start with check-in. Much like supermarket self-checkouts, I have a loathing for self-checkouts that is absolute. They say it saves jobs but there is someone at the counter to check your bags and then about 4 people to help people with the computers when they, inevitably, go wrong. At Heathrow they even have an extra person now to ask your security questions (separate from the bag check-in steward). I guess the point behind self-checkins has passed me by.

My next observation is at boarding. Despite their seat number not yet being called some passengers insist on lingering by the line getting in the way of other people. I guess these people think that if they don't stand up then the boarding crew will say "Well you obviously don't want this seat very much!" and then go on to block your seat and have you escorted from the airport.

Of course when people do queue there is the culture clash where being that British people attempt to form a nice orderly line... an etiquette unfortunately not understood or observed by other cultures who move forward in a bundle (therefore elevating the stress levels of the British travellers).

I'll tell you here about my first plane ride. Having been happy about getting a window seat I was somewhat disappointed to finda blank wall by my side. I did attempt to look through the sliver of window just reachable in front but I had on of 'those' people in front of me: 'those' people who insist on having their chairs fully back fro the entire duration of the flight with no regard for the person behind them. Plus she smelt of dried wee wee.

During the flight I watched The Wizard of Oz (although missed the 'theres no place like home' climax due to sleepiness) and Legally Blonde (don't judge me - I love that film). I also listened to Mugglecast's interview with David Heyman (Harry Potter producer) who, by the way, is lovely!

I also worked out that a woman next to me was travelling from Wimbledon. My clues were her typing notes from official Wimbledon match cards and the fact that she wrote 'tennis umpire' on the work visa entry form. Gosh I am practically Sherlock Holmes!

After that 7 or 8 hours I got off to the joy of border control, customs and baggage recheck. I hate this part. As I waited to go through border control I started shaking . I think my fear came from forgetting to enter the visa waiver programme last time I went (I was told I would be deported if I did it again), the fact that James was questioned for hours when he came to the UK, and that the guy before me was escorted somewhere by a guy with a massive weapon (giggle).

I find baggage claim and/or recheck makes me very anxious. I particularly worry about my bag being lost. A bit irrational yes, but who can say that they don't have this though as everyone elses bags are passing you by. I had also forgotten a luggage label. Oops. In addition I didn't want the sniffer dog to smell my teabags and I'd have to open my suitcase. Teabags were worth the fear though.

After this it was then a simple 5 hour flight without entertainment (you had to pay, ergh) and no flight progress map. My feet were still swollen from the first flight as well and the though of getting on the next plane wasn't pleasant. What happens if my legs had exploded? I just take off my shoes as soon as I get seated and then go to the toilet in my socks.

The best thing about flight number 2 was knowing I have done custom, border control, passport control and baggage recheck. I managed to see James literally within a minute of exiting the plane. Huzzah.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT IS THE WORST THING ABOUT FLYING (OR LONG JOURNEYS IF YOU'VE NEVER FLOWN)?
My answer: I hate thatI drop off but can't get any proper sleep. It really isn't comfortable in such an enclosed space. I hate first class travellers.

This blog was mostly written in Newark Airport, New Jersey in view of the Empire State Building.

VCB 24: Mustard is not always yellow.

2010-07-02T23:48:00.006+01:00

Helen asked me to guest blog today for her while she was traveling to the States, And as long as she can't stop me I thought I would write a little about my favorite condiment.

In order to understand the humor in a blogpost based on and around my enjoyment of the worlds best condiment, you don't really need to know how much I love mustard as much as you should know how much the woman I love despises it.

I am not really a condiment person, I haven't really ever been, If I am going to put anything on to my food other than the occasion sprinkle of salt, it is going to be Mustard. I wont sit here and list all of the things I have put mustard on in the past but suffice to say I am willing to put it on nearly everything.

Helen loves me, and I am fairly certain, that there is very little I could do that makes her as unhappy as watching the man she is going to spend the rest of her life with squirt mustard all over his, eggs/hash browns/sausage/ etc,etc.

I have lived in a lot of countries and I have discovered that much like People no two mustards are the same. When I lived in Germany I grew accustomed to Senf, which is the colour of mustard, but has a distinct horseradish taste, the same goes with English mustard.

English mustard is very strong, though after living there for six months I had found that I was enjoying it on more things, especially Cornish pasties, which apparently everyone else found appalling and against the laws of decency, but the stuff was nomz nomz nomz.

According to Wikipedia: Romans were probably the first to experiment with the preparation of mustard as a condiment. They mixed unfermented grape juice, known as "must", with ground mustard seeds (called sinapis) to make "burning must", mustum ardens — hence "must ard" If you want more useless facts about mustard you can go to the wiki page HERE

To be fair there is a condiment that I feel very strongly against. I absolutely detest Mayonnaise! I don't know what it is about Mayonnaise but I have never liked it. I can hardly eat food with mayonnaise in it. I don't like, coleslaw.

That was one of the hardest things about living in Germany because the German friends I had used Mayo for everything, most gag worthy in my opinion was dipping their chips(french fries) in it as a sensible person would Mustard or Ketchup. Some people have the oddest idea of dipping sauces!!!

This has been a lot of fun, and I hope I have entertained you all. Tomorrow your regularly scheduled blogger shall return!!!

Question of the Day!!!! Is there a condiment you enjoy or despise???

My answer, other than the above mentioned mustard I also enjoy Ranch dressing as a dipping sauce for Chips (fries) and things like Buffalo wings.

VCB 23: I'll Deathly your Hallows

2010-07-01T17:21:00.012+01:00

This blog is going to be my thoughts on the newly released Deathly Hallows trailer from Warner Bros. I will only comment on things that occur in the trailer! It should be spoiler free. I certainly won't give anything away that would ruin your enjoyment of it without warning ever. I could rant for 5 blogs about how I hate it when people do that!

First off, if you haven't seen the trailer... why not you silly person!?!?! Er... I mean here it is. Enjoy.

At the beginning of the trailer we have a dark foreboding piece of music* and Harry Potter walks in the forest clearing to meet Voldemort. I think as an opening to a trailer I think this is great. There is a sense of inevitability in the way Radcliffe and Fiennes (Potter/Voldemort) act it so you get a sense of this really being the beginning of the end.

*Despite loving this music trailers are composed by different people and don't reoccur in the feature

This opening part is also intercut with a quick shot of the trio (Potter/Weasley/Granger) walking through a very pretty, bright country scene. It is shows both a sense of isolation for them because of this ebautiful landscape and only them in it, but it also provides a contrast to the world of Voldemort as it cuts back to the dark, blue-misted wood.

The trailer then kicks into to quick cut shots of scenes form both part one and part two of Deathly Hallows. Some people are disappointed that this is not just a Part One trailer but I feel the opposite. I am positive Warner Bros with put out a Part One trailer or teaser seperately. I am greatful to have a trailer which shows the fianl story as it was meant to be told - as one epic plot (this isn't to say I didn't want the split. I am just saying there is only one book.)

I won't go into what parts of of the clips represent in the films a) because it would take to long and you'd all give up reading and b) it would ruin it for people. I am sure fans will be able to pinpoint immediately what all the shots are and I am personally very happy with the look of the film. The fact they have split it into two parts means they can put in more story and this epic trailer gives me great confidence that all of the gaps they have left in the past will be filled up and fleshed out in this final installment.

The first panel you see come up says "The finale of the worldwide phenomenon", and the second says "The motion picture event of a generation". They are certainly selling these films as not only the most anticpated film of the year but obviously one they are confident will satisfy a hungry audience. It has been 13 years since I read the first Harry Potter book and for me, while my life with Harry will continue, it will very much feel like the end of an era.

Between these panels are a shot of Hogwarts with a protective spell around it (see below) and then the Hogwarts Express being ground to a halt by a sinister looking Death Eater. I think that these clips being placed between the two written panels is very clever; people have grown up with the Harry Potter stories on film and Hogwarts has always been the safe-haven. Granted bad things still happen but it wasn't until the end of Half Blood Prince when Snape killed Dumbledore that Hogwarts changed from being a place of education to a place of war. It emphasizes the importance and scale of this final installment and is a reminder that even Hogwarts isn't safe anymore.

I think we get a good coverage of old and new characters in this trailers. I know that people who are not familiar with the books will probably be thinking "Oh who is that again" at some faces, and then "Who could that be?!" in others. They also use a lot of mid-shots to close-ups of each of these characters (i.e. them turning their head or then reacting to something). By doing this they are almost suggesting an ensemble cast or at least that the amount of characters is on a more epic scale; much more of a battle than a fight. This is further emphasized with the wide shots of large amounts of people running as if into war rather than like they are moving away from something.

My favourite bit in the trailer is when Voldemort says "Why do you live?" and Harry replies "Because I have something worth living for". I have to do a little punch in the air whenever I watch that part; a kind of IN YER FACE VOLDY moment. Without telling the audience the outcome of the series the trailer is highlighting the key messages from the entire film series so far i.e. Harry is strong because he has his friends around him. We learn this in the very first film when Hermione and Ron help Harry retrieve the Philosophers Stone.

Near the end we get some clips from Part one with the release date and then the same for the second film. It is at this point I think audiences are wishing they could have a separate trailer. I think they could have possibly not split right at this section and continued the trailer as one complete story but perhaps this is a stylistic choice. I don't think it impacts too heavily on the effectiveness of the trailer as whole though.

We end on a dual between Voldemort and Harry with Voldy saying "Only I can win" which then goes straight into the title card with some awesome lightening and three-d letters. This end note is like a challenge. Audiences are going to want to see whether this is true and/or how Harry will prove him wrong. It is great note to end on with foreboding and excitement both emoted at this point. Very cool.

You know what isn't cool though? "Complete the journey in 3D". I think I will say no thanks. I don't want to watch these epic, amazing, thrilling, emotional films while wearing glasses on top of my own and wondering what they are adding to the story. Give it up Hollywood. I like my films the traditional way.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: ON A SCALE OF 1-10 HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR THE TWO DEATHLY HALLOWS FILMS?
My answer: A gazillion. Or y'know 10 if we are being sensible. Woo.

VCB 22: Dear Classy Ladies...

2010-06-30T19:45:00.012+01:00

This blog letter is inspired by Mary Kate's video. Please click here.

Dear Classy Ladies

The fact that you guys are in my life not only makes me happy, but it makes me proud. I can't believe how lucky I am to know so many amazing people. People who have taught me about new things, and shared in the passion I have for the nerdier side of life.

Thank you for making me laugh, making me smile.
Thank you for giving me some amazing memories online and IRL.

Thank you for making me cry with happiness, joy and a sense of overwhelming (like saturn.... inside joke).
Thank you for supporting James and I through a our rollercoaster love story.

Thank you for accepting me and understanding me for who I am.
Thank you for finding enjoyment in my hobbies, my life, in the things I have to say and the endeavours I undertake.

Thank you for making me feel even more British than I ever realised I was.
Thank you for being my family when when I am 5000 miles away from home or even online when I'm sad or feeling lost.

Thank you for making me want to experiement with music, nail art, make-up and er... being sparkly.

Thank you for understanding how tough the time difference is for me and how I wish I could spend my days calling and texting you guys.
Thank you for putting up with my need to hug everyone every two seconds just to make sure you are still real.
Thank you for making videos that make my life so much more vibrant and exciting.

Thank you for letting me be me.
Thank you for being you.

Helen

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT SONG WOULD BE ON THE SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR SUMMER?
My answer: I Think Party in the USA is high on the list but Come Fly With Me and Don't Stop by Fleetwood Mac are ones I keep listening to a lot at the moment.

VCB21: TEAM... SPRING AND AUTUMN?

2010-06-29T20:02:00.017+01:00

Yesterday I had a little rant about what I don't like about summer. And, with a little bit of backlash - although not the kind of the leggingsgate* - I though I would give a more balanced view today when it is not quite so hot. My friend Heather has also done a blog response to my rant from yesterday. You can read it HERE. I will try to give a more balanced view.

*Leggingsgate refers to my rant about how people shouldn't wear leggings with tshirts. I was referring to people with no taste such as those on Jeremy Kyle... but alas I got myself into trouble with more than one friend! This is my printed apology. You really should have seen the woman on JK though... bad bad bad.

TEAMSUMMER

While it is tempting to begin another rant about how I hate the heat I will refrain (despite sitting here feeling sweaty, sticky, icky and generally yucky). The only thing I feel I must mention, having forgotton to add it to my list yesterday, is men thinking it is ok to walk around topless. Until the world is okay with women walking around topless I think men should not expose their hairy sunburnt chests to the world away from the beach (it is fine on the beach - I am talking in cafes and cities).

Now I say about 30 times a day during summer 'I hate summer' - usually following the whine up by kicking something - but what I really mean is that I hate the heat. I love the sun as much as the next person. A long day with a bright evening sky and not a cloud in the sky is so beautiful. My only wish is that I could enjoy it without thinking about whether my deodorant still lasts 24 hours when I am literally melting. But in general sun is good; sun, not heat.

The next best thing about summer is Pimms o'clock. If you haven't heard of Pimm's here is what Urban Dictionary has to say about Pimm's o'Clock: "Time for Pimm's (posh cocktail made with pimm's, lemonade, and fruit). Implies lazy, happy days sitting in the sun with nothing to do and no need to worry about time." Now while I hate sitting in the sun with nothing to do, a Pimm's in hand does make it more bearable. Of course in general cocktails are generally more acceptable in summer. You feel less silly ordering an elaborate 5 liqueur drink complete with sparklers, umbrellas, stirrers and miniature balloons (I have never seen mini balloons in a cocktail either but go with me) when it is sunny. It seems to be the done thing!

I guess I will lastly say that summer is usually when you go on holiday. And it therefore is a time of friendship (whereas Winter is more about family I guess). One of the happiest experiences of my life was visiting Portland last summer. Although I nearly died during the day from the heat it was so much fun. I have these wonderful photos with bright days, no rainy clouds or overcast skies. Summer is a perfect time to share experiences with the people you love. The fact that VidCon is happening in summer is a big plus on the TEAMSUMMER argument.

TEAMWINTER

In the comments and on Heather's blog some important points have been raised against TEAMWINTER. For example how much of an inconvenience snow and ice is. Now this one I agree with. This summer James and I got stuck in the snow for hours at one point. I also had to give up going to work for a few days first because the ice nearly made me crash, and then because my car was pretty buried in snow (see below).

Now while I admit to the inconvenience of this, it still doesn't really make me hate snow or ice. During this last winter, which I have to point out was a particularly bad one, James and I walked my mum to and form work a couple of times. It was absolutely beautiful to see roads covered in white, with sparkling icicles glittering on trees; no cars only snowmen made by children playing and being excited; crisp, fresh air that felt so clean. It was amazing. Like walking through a Christmas card.

I am still TEAM WINTER... or maybe AUTUMN OR SPRING?

I guess the other main argument is the cold. I can understand being cold to your bones, feeling like there is no hope of ever warming up; I am a football goer. Now... if you have never been to a football match in the cold then you don't understand the feeling of freezing. I have been to football wearing the following and still spent two hours shivering: tights, two pairs of socks, pyjama bottoms, jeans, 7 tops, a long jacket or fleece, a scarf, gloves and a hat. Yes it is horrible to be that cold. But I still hate sweating more!

The last thing about winter that pushes it into pole position is Christmas. Now I can totally understand that not everyone has Christmases like mine and, if you are not particularly family orientated, I also understand that the holiday season isn't the most fun. However I happen to have a very close family unit and I love spending Christmas with them. I love that on Christmas you feel like you are living in a little bubble. You almost forget that millions of other people are also tucking into turkeys and scoffing their face with chocolates.

It isn't just the day itself I like. I enjoy when it gets dark early and all of the houses come alive with fairy lights and decorations. I love it when you get the urge to be homely even though you really are a terrible cook; our Christmas puddings are homemade and delicious. Watch my video about them:

THE VERDICT

In conclusion I don't mind summer but I hate the heat. I also hate the heat in snowy places. I got heatstroke when I went skiing - absolutely true story. Twice I think. It was very hot! But you couldn't strip in case you got frostbite! How annoying. (P.S. In Austria it snowed separate snowflakes. One of the most amazing things I have ever seen). BUT in general you get the worst heat in the summer and that is the main reason I am team winter. Or team autumn... or team spring. TEAMBEARABLEHEAT.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT THE SEASON YOU DISLIKE?
My answer: I think the only thing I haven't mentioned above is summer storms. Although the lead in is usually 3 or 4 days of extreme humidity I still get excited when I start to see thunder-flies flitting about. I love watching the lightening and feeling the fresh rain that makes a contrast to the muggy heat. They are great fun. Storms are my favourite.

VCB 20: TEAMWINTER

2010-06-28T18:47:00.006+01:00

Today's blog is simple. It is 5 reasons why I don't like summer. Of course there are many reasons why I do love summer (the main one involving a three week holiday to see my boyfriend and some of the most amazing people in my life). But I don't feel like telling you the good things about summer; I feel like ranting.

1. Car journeys. "What?" I hear your cry? "Are you mad? Sunglasses on, music up, sunshine pouring through the glass, air conditioning blasting..." Well now that does sound nice. You know what isn't nice though? MY CAR. It has no air con and so not only do I have to drive around what feels like a greenhouse, but I also can't cool down the steering wheel meaning I burn my hands.

2. Work. I work in conservatory. While this may sound lovely actually it really is the total opposite of lovely. I do not appreciate working in a sauna. It is actually a lot better since I have been there because the roof has fitted blinds. How the guys managed in there when it was over 40 centigrade I literally do not know. I would have gone on strike. Ick.

3. Bikinis and other attire. It is a fact not often acknowledged but summer is really great for skinny people. They get to wear bikinis, show off their body, walk around in mini skirts and boob tubes! Ah it must be bliss for them. People like me on the other hand - flabby thighs, big boobs, muffin top and back cleavage - we get the fun of trying to be cool while not looking like mutton dressed as lamb.

For the first time ever this year I bought a fitted bikini. While the top looks fantastic even one size bigger on the bottoms and I still get fat splurging out every which way. I am, as so many females like myself are, resigned to wear board shorts when I go swimming. For other women it is T-shirts. Either way we look longingly at the people who are either naturally thin or actually have the fitness level to attend the gym on a regular basis. I am definitely not looking forward to wearing little.

4. Feeling faint. Humidity sucks. Even people who LOVE summer have to give me this one. HUmidity is like someone has wrapped a blanket around your head and stood you in front of a fire. It is suffocating, hot and completely relentless. It doesn't matter if you are in shade or not, if it is humid you can't escape. I remember the most hummid I have ever been was my first night in Beijing when I went to China. I thought I couldn't breathe. But of course the hotel room had air con. No such luck in a regular British household!

5. Expectation to do nothing. For some reason when we get to summer people stop doing things. They opt for sitting in the sun basically waiting until they have increased their risk of skin cancer a sufficient amount to return indoors for a stint. I hate holidays which require me to sit on a lounge chair and sit and er... sit... adn sit... and maybe sit some more. Where is the fun in sunbathing! Plus it makes me feel ill. See point 4.

So today was more of a rant than a blog. But I think I have raised some valid points. Like I said though, I do love summer for many reasons, and maybe I will blog about the good things tomorrow or in the future.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: ARE YOU TEAMWINTER OR TEAMSUMMER?
My answer: I think it is pretty obvious from my blog I am Teamwinter. At least if you are too cold you can wear more layers. Once you are naked and still hot - thats when we have a problem.

VCB 19: You never forget your first Doctor!

2010-06-27T17:00:00.011+01:00

This blog is going to be about the past series of Doctor Who and the finale that was broadcast yesterday. This is your very clear advanced warning that there will be spoilers! You have been warned.

There is a t-shirt out there somewhere (picture above) that says "You never forget your first Doctor" and I think this must be true. I have always been interested in the revamped Doctor Who. I remember the old series which I watched as a child. I remember, like most children did back then, hiding behind the sofa when the Daleks came on screen. However I have never watched the episodes religiously until this Matt Smith series.

From what I did watch (which included the David 10th Doctor finale) David Tennant was not to be beaten. He was loved by all it seemed for his laidback, quirky nature but with those big eyes that really told of the loneliness and hardships the Doctor tries to hide. But then along came Matt Smith and I personally was blown away. Maybe I'd change my mind if IU watched all of Tennant back-to-back but Matt Smith if my favourite Doctor. I think he is amazing. But then maybe it is because I like bow-ties... and the Fez.

I think Matt Smith brings everything to the role of Doctor Who; let me explain why. Doctor Who is possibly the single most fascinating character in sci-fi history. He is the last of his species in a barely working time-machine which doubles as his home. He has the burden of knowing it is due to him that his species no longer exists and because of this guilt he finds himself particularly drawn to humans, another guilt-ridden and vulnerable race. He is both reckless and honorable. Unlike other sci-fi aliens the Doctor chooses to see the good in humanity and makes the world (and universe) a better place through his morals.

But yet there is a dark side to the Doctor that comes out every now and again. He is stuck in an endless story of struggle. He is constantly sdaving people which of course makes him happy but at the same time it always adds to that big weight he carries on his shoulders. No wonder he is an eccentric character with fascinating dress sense, whether that be a long multi-coloured scarf or wearing converse with suit trousers.

I think Matt Smith manages to embody of all this into a single performance: Tenannt's 'cool' Doctor, (from what I have heard) Eccleston's slightly angry Doctor and the eccentricity and burden of being a Time Lord from the history of the older Doctors. It is a smart performance with great writing. I have highly enjoyed Steven Moffat taking control of the wheel from Russell T. Davies and I am intrigued by the next series.

Before I talk about supporting characters I want to mention the finale which I watched yesterday. I was absolutely gripped to the point that I burnt my tongue on my dinner and then, when it swelled, bit it as well. But I couldn't be doing with cooling down food or paying attention to chewing! My focus was completely on The Big Bang; an episode more deeply engrossed in the technical of space-time and loophole sin the fabric of the universe that I just couldn't stop watching.

Of course the key to it all was Amy, a girl who most nerdy gals like me probably long to be. A person whose mind has been infiltrated with knowledge about the universe and space-time through the crack in her bedroom wall that she has become an anomaly. When everyone else forgot the Doctor she could still feel him, sense him; and it brought him back. If that isn't a good companion to have then I don't know what is!

It is also refreshing to have a companion with a brilliant rapport with the Doctor but who is in love with someone else. Originally a small side character Rory, Amy's boyfriend, has become a key player in the Time Lord's world. Let us not forget that if it wasn't for Rory's undying, dedicated love for Amy and his insistence on keeping her safe thats he probably would never have been around to see the whole story through. At first Rory annoyed me but the dynamic and balance between the three characters (him, Amy and the Doctor) has neatly worked out. I bet I wasn't the only one who did an imaginary punch in the air when the happy couple stayed in the Tardis.

And lastly I should talk about the mystery lady: River Song. I think the odds are on her being the Doctor's wife. They certainly have a great chemistry and of course, with good ol' space-time stories we will never know if the Doctor forms a relationship with her because it was meant to be or because he worked it out from her time-travelling. But lets not get into that debacle right now! I enjoy River's character but this to me is not really the point. I don't think you need to like River to be happy that the Doctor finally finds a long-term companion - Lord knows he needs one!

Of course perhaps she is someone else but there was just too big an emphasis on weddings in the series. Of course the Doctor used Amy's wedding to save himself (something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue) and of course the "Are you married"/"Are you asking" conversation was telling indeed. Whoever River Song is I have a feeling we might find out next series! Bring on the Christmas special I say!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHO SAVED DOCTOR WHO?
My answer: Amy remembered him so she saved the Doctor! But then again River Song gave Amy the diary that triggered her memory so *she* saved the Doctor! But then again Rory protected Amy in the Pandorica which was the key to her eventually remembering the Doctor so *he* saved the day! BUT THEN AGAIN the Doctor planted clues in Amy's memories so he in fact saved himself! In conclusion - it was a joint effort but, as always, it wouldn't have happened without the Doctor.

VCB 18: 672 films

2010-06-26T17:19:00.002+01:00

A few days ago I asked for suggestions for what to blog on and James suggested I talk about when I realized I was a cinephile i.e. a film lover. So today I am going to tell you a bit about my film diaries and their role in my life as a cinephile.

At the end of 2002 when I was 16 - that is a bizarre though - I decided that for the next year I would write down every single film I watched in a diary. I can't really remember why I came up with this idea but it became my project over the next few years. I kept it up from the beginning of 03 the the very end of 2005 - I think possibly 09 as well but I haven't got proof.So if I did one after that I can't currently remember! I am having a (very) bad memory day *cough*lifetime*cough*.

Now let me get something straight, when I say diary it important that you are not picturing some fancy leather bound journal with my initials embossed into the corner and gold lettering on the spine. On the contrary my precious film diary is 9 sheets of white A4 paper folded in half and stapled. I am a simple being. These 9 sheets of paper saw me through all three years but is looking a bit worse for wear now.

Let me start with 2003. The cover is decorated in blue and black biros and I think one of those Berol pens you get for school because you think they are cool but actually it just means you have to write with the pen dead straight upright. I seem to have gone for writing 'Helen's film diary' in random style of fonts with GRR added underneath. I was obviously annoyed at something in 03. It is also adorned by lots of stars, spirals and general doodles including a snails. I used to draw snails a lot. I don't know why!

The cover of 2004's diary simply sayd 'Helen's film diary' in block 3D lettering, again in classy biro. This one doesn't even have any doodles. Perhaps I had a creativity slump in 2004 whereas in 2005 I had a creativity overdrive. 2005's cover says 'Helen's' in a big kazaam kind of explosion (in full colour I might add), film in a kind of attempt at 20s Hollywood poster fonts and diary in a thought bubble.... with ribbons and feathers for an unspecified reason. I also added a 3D block font 2005, AND, get this, a film reel in the background that says 5-4-3-2-1 LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION. It is pretty awesome.

So in 03, 04 and 05 I watched a total of 672 films which, considering I was at school and had little income, I'd say is pretty good going. The first page of 2003 starts with the date I watched a film, the title of the film, who it is directed by, and my rating out of ten. I can tell you that this lasted until 3rd February when I dropped the director. It was only the following day that I dropped the rating as well and from then on it was just the titles. The only additional information was CIN indicating I saw the film at the cinema and DVD, denoting a, surprise surprise, a DVD. By the way, it is interesting seeing the introduction of DVDs into my life. I can tell you I watch just 16 DVDs in all of 2003, 50 in 2004 and then 64 in 2005.

From skimming through the diaries I can see that several films pop up at repeat watches very often. These are the Back to the Future trilogy, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, School of Rock and The Mummy films. Thinking back I can remember these being those films that I could just watch over and over (and did) because they just cheered me up.

Anyway perhaps because of this diary I became very conscious and aware of the films I was consuming. It was during 2005 that I began doing my Film and Media STudies degree. One of my assignments was to write a paper on my relationship with a certain type of media. I chose films and used my diary as a reference point.

By this time I had also began my film database. I took all of these films and put them on an Excel spreadsheet with the amount of times I watched them (I would impress you with some figures now but it isn't on this computer, it is backed up somewhere deep and dark). I also added a personally written synopsis for every single film using the Radio Times 2005 film guide as a help. I love my film guide, only trouble is how out of date they get! I need a new one now!

It was during these years while I kept up my diary that I became a cinephile. I began to note film watching as more than a hobby, as a part of my life. I obviously felt like noting down what I watched which is almost a sign of the respect I have for filmmaking in itself. Although I do not still do this James and I do have He said, she said which is a film blog. I almost feel it is an extension of my diaries - a place where I can recognise film watching as an occasion even if I watch more than one a day.

I enjoyed watching films before 2003 but these were the years I decided I wanted film to be a part of my life. And while I don't still consider editor or director as a career path (partly due to the 15,000 a year tuition fee, partly because I am not sure I'd be assertive enough) it is a still a massive part of my life. I am so lucky to have found James who shares this love and feeling towards the world of lights and celluloid (or IMAX or digital or whatever these newfangled whotsits are).

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHEN DID YOU FIRST DIISCOVER YOUR BIG PASSION IN LIFE (WHATEVER THAT MIGHT BE)?
My answer: Another passion of mine is art which I discovered early on from doing crafts and watching art children's programmes. But I really developed a love of sketching when I did art A-level (when I was 17/18) and realized I wasn't as bad I originally though.

VCB 17: A day in the life of Helen

2010-06-25T08:48:00.017+01:00

As I mentioned I might yesterday I thought I would give you an average day in my life. I won't put down everything I do. Just some little titbits from my day for you to enjoy. As this is live and will be updated throughout the day I will start with the question of the day for you to answer. By the way if you want to suggest things for me to blog about please look at yesterday's question.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT IS YOUR WORST DAILY CHORE?
My answer: It isn't daily, more like every other day or so, but it is washing my hair. I absolutely loather doing it because it takes forever to dry and it is stupidly thick and hard to manage. Yuck. Also my shoulder joints have been bad the last few years so I can only manage two-in-one now or else my arms seize up! I hate having greasy hair more though, so its not all bad.

8:10am

I woke up at this time despite both going to bed late and not needing to go to work. I could have slept in till 10am (anything after this and I feel guilty for wasting my day) but no; 8 times out of 10 my body likes me to wake up before 8:20am.

When I woke up I promptly check my emails on my phone. James sends me an email every day which is always waiting for me when I wake up. I think I have strained my eyes trying to read it before I am properly awake though. I always get morning headaches. I also told my friend Mary Kate on Facebook that I dreamt we met David Bowie. It is important to share these things.

Then for half an hour or so me and my cat Millie read 'Welcome to Britain: a celebration of real life'. Now, before you think I am sickenly patriotic you may want to have a look at the pictures below. I first was introduced to The Caravan Gallery (makers of the book) at an art fair here in Felixstowe, my hometown. I instantly fell in love with this quirky look at Britain. It celebrates those things which are typically British and at the same time are really crap.

Welcome to the British sense of humour! Click here to visit the Caravan Gallery website.

9:04am (good to be precise)

I plan my radio show for tonight while still in my pyjamas. As a general rule things I feel less guilty when I do things I should have already got done as long as I do them before I get dressed. I should have planned the radio show in advance and sent the plan to Sarah, who is guest hosting with me. But sometimes time runs away with you.

10:07am

Since my last update I have breakfasted and watch some Jeremy Kyle, which is, for you Americans reading this, our version of Jerry Springer. Now I haven't watched this programme in about 2 years. I really don't understand why people would use a crap television programme as a way to sort out their problems before first trying marriage counselling or even recognising that the relationship they are in is bad and to walk away. But it is very easy to judge from the sofa I guess.

I think the thing that strikes me most though are the outfits people wear. Here are people who have advance warning that they will be broadcast on television and rather than wear something smart and nice they opt for something like a grey tracksuit at the height of fashion in about 1993 with unbrushed hair and a tattoo on their neck.

Another good one you see more of now is the mis-wearing of leggings. I love leggings. They are the reason I can now wear short skirts but I would never wear just leggings without something else covering my thighs. Why not? I have fat splodgy thighs and really, no one wants to see me wobble down the street. Apparently some people do think that everyone wants to see this though and dress accordingly.

Ok my little rant is over. I of course don't judge people by how they dress in terms of how I treat them. Sometimes you just have to get out a little bitch rant though.

11:14am

I am now clean and dressed and ready for the day! It is now work time! And when I say work I mean it is time to do the things that I have commitment to but unfortunately do not receive monetary compensation for. The main thing I am working on is the wedding album of my friends Michelle and Paul (you may remember my blog about the wedding a few weeks ago). I am up to page 56 I think and have done the ceremony, speeches, cake, first dance, bucking bronco (yes, you read it right) and am now onto the dancing pictures which is the last part.

Since it takes a while to upload the pictures I am also working on my show plan at the same time. I have the songs and the discussion topics but I need to do the timings and find some movie trivia. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay. By the way if you don't understand the 'yay' then you are obviously not a regular listener to my show (Wed/Fri 6pm GMT/BST, www.felixstoweradio.co.uk). Half past six is always movie trivia time and always requires a "yaaaaay".

14:47pm

I have now finished planning today's show and, because I can be super-efficient when I want to be, I always did the songs and timings for Wednesday's show too! Next Wednesday's show is my last before I go on holiday for three weeks. I am nervous to leave it but not having to plan will be nice for a while. Plus it will be fun to see what Jon, Bex, Ann and Nigel come up with in my absence!

I have also had lunch and done more work on Michelle's album. Remember those photos I mentioned that were uploading? They took about 2 hours to finish. Darn high quality and average connection speed. But I am now up to the final few pages. I am excited that it is all coming together!

In addition since my last update I heard from my amazingly wonderful best friend Kim who has passed her driving test first time today. I am very happy for her. The picture below is Kim and I in her home town of Brighton when James and I visited a few months ago.

16:52pm

Okay, now I am bored. I am sitting in my 'going out clothes' with straightened hair, eyeliner, dangly earrings and a purple top with black ruffles. This is because I am going out straight after the show. I think I may be ready too early. I am waiting until it is time to go to the radio station. Now I have about 50 minutes but rather than do something with my time I usally sit and worry about being on air. I am hoping James comes online soon. I feel better when I talk to him before I go on air.

00:03am

Ok so we have a bit of a time jump there mostly due to the fact that I was radio-ing and then I went for a meal, as previously mentioned. The show was from 6pm-7pm and it went really well. It was the first time I had done a show with Sarah and, as a behind-the-scenes gal she hasn't been on air much before. I think we worked really well together and could do another show after my holiday easily.

After this I came home and rushed to apply some make-up including bright green Maybelline eyeshadow. I went for green because my top was purple and currently my nails are half purple half green. So it seemed fitting. I rushed around like a mad thing getting my bits together and applying my lipstick until I was beautified enough to go.

Side note - the lipstick I have is awesome. It is actually my mum's (or was I should say) and I think it is Rimmel but it doesn't actually say on the tube. Anyway about a half a year ago I started borrowing it all the time. And there would be a longer gap between when I took it and when I returned it. Eventually my mum just said "you know you can keep that?". So I did. And I love it. IT isn't fancy, just a plain rose coloured lipstick. But I love it.

I got to the meal at about 7:40pm, a bit flustered from the rush. I had bread to start (I was starving and only had a starter because I couldn't bear to wait for my food) and then steak fajita wrap. We were at Chimi Changa's a Mexican themed restaurant (although my boyfriend doesn't like them because the burritos are not proper burritos). Anyway the steak fajita wrap is prewrapped (to minimise mess for follk like me who want it simple) and is very yummy. But having filled up on bread I couldn't manage it all. I ams till so full.

My friends Kim and Ross then turned up from Brighton and joined us for drinks. I love these guys. They absolutely crack me up and we get on so well. Plus Ross gets on really well with James which means if ever Kim and I want to hang the boys will be happy to go and perv over Marvel comics and talk Avengers. Anyway I should end my blog here because after a few beers I am pretty whacked.

VCB 16: It ain't over till its over

2010-06-24T19:36:00.011+01:00

I was reluctant to do another sport related blog as I did do one previously in my VidConBlog project. However that was before Wimbledon and the Isner/Mahut match! If you don't follow tennis or live under rock you may not be aware that a match played at Wimbledon over the last three days has smashed all tennis records. It finally came to an end this afternoon with a gripped and enthralled nation watching.

I am going to tell you a bit about tennis, Wimbledon, and of course, the longest tennis match in history... ever. I will keep it short so stick with me even if you aren't a tennis fan. Maybe I'll convert you!

Tennis

I am going to admit something. I didn't start of a tennis fan at all. I remember at school the very few times I played it I quite enjoyed it. However watching it on television never interested me; that was, until I learnt the rules. It is funny how gaining an understanding of something can make you instantly like it.

It is actually quite a simple sport: If you put the ball out of the court markings then your opponent gets a point. The points go 0 (called 'love', aww) to 15 to 30 to 40 to you've won the game. Don't ask why it doesn't go 1-2-3-4. I guess that would be to simple to grasp. If the players are both on 40 then this is called deuce and they play an extra point which is A (advantage). This is because in tennis you have to have a two point lead (this may seem a boring thing to explain but it will make sense later).

You play games until you win a set. A set of games can go up to 6-6 and you win with a 2 point lead (so 6-4 for example). If you do however reach 6-6 then you play what is called a tie-break which is a deciding round (I won't bother explaining this but it is basically first to 7 points... and in the tie-break they count in normal numbers. Weird). Okay so once you have won the set then you want to win the best of three sets to get the match or the best of five. Although I am not sure why you go to best of five... okay so it isn't that simple. But hopefully you get the gist.

Wimbledon

Although I say I am a fan of tennis the only tournament I watch is Wimbledon. Wimbledon is one of the main 'grand slam' events (others are the French Open, the Austrailian Open and the er American Open?) and is considered by most playeds to be the best tournament in tennis.

The great thing about Wimbledon is that it is so steeped in tradition. Until I watched other tournaments I thought tennis players only ever played in white. In fact it is only Wimbledon that dictates players must wear white. This may seem a bit ridiculous but the players don't seem to mind and everyone looks so smart and clean!

Other things Wimbledon is famous for include strawberries and cream (my family did indeed eat strawberries on the first day of Wimbledon), which is what the Queen ate on her first visit in over 30 years today. The other famous thing is Wombles, but they tend to stick to the Common.* By the way quick fact - the rate of litter dropping went up in Wimbledon after the Wombles came out. Apparently kids were trying to entice them out and get a look!

*If you are confused click here.

The record breaking match

If you remember I mentioned that to win a set you have to get a lead of 2 points. Now for each game the players alternate who is serving and the person who serves usually wins. To win you need to, at some point, 'break' the serve of the other person. This gives you an extra point so you can get that lead! If you also remember I discussed a tie-break situation for when a set gets to 6 games all. Unfortunately in the fifth set there is no tie break. You go on until someone breaks serve and wins. The thing is... in the case of the Mahut/Isner match... no one could break serve.

The result of this was an epic match spanning three days and taking 11 hours 5 minutes to complete. Unlike the usual 6, 7, 8 games for a player in the final match, this one ended at 68-70. The record of the longest match was surpasses early on day two and they kept going. hey broke more than just that record. The previous record for aces in a single match (an ace is a point won on an unreturned serve) was 50 something. In this match both Isner and Mahut both got over 100. It is unbelievable stuff.

I wanted to blog about this because this day will undoubtedly be one of the most remembered in tennis for as long as the sport exists. For a start it is unlikely to happen again because a change of rules will probably prevent it, but even so it is just an unprecedented occurrence.

In the end the US American Isner won over Frenchman Mahut and suffice it to say he was pretty happy. I was very happy he won because he had literally been at collapsing point the previous night. And to see someone almost falling over from exhaustion yet still play at the level he was... it was something special. By the way they both lost so much water through sweat that they were put on IVs!

At the end of the match a special presentation was made to the two players and the umpire (who had not taken a single toilet break during the entire match!). It was a nice gesture but making Mahut stay on the court for pictures and interviews and a presentation was a bit harsh when he clearly wanted to go and have a good cry! But there you go. What a match!

I could say more but I fear I may bore people to tears. Leave me comments and, as always, I'll respond.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT SUGGESTIONS DO YOU HAVE FOR BLOGS I CAN WRITE? IS THERE ANYTHING YOU ARE BURNING TO KNOW ABOUT ME? IS THERE A TOPIC YOU WANT MY OPINION ON?
My answer: I can't really answer this one because I do it everyday! Tomorrow though I might do 'a life in the day of Helen'.

VCB 15: Stop setting the house on fire

2010-06-23T21:42:00.007+01:00

Today I am going to tell you 10 things I would save from a fire or rather because I will probably lump more than one object together I will imagine I have ten trips back into my house. Of course if I had ten trips worth of time the fire was probably small enough to start with that I could have put it out...I am a bad person. By the way these sort of 'what would you save' questions come up so often. Someone really needs to stop setting my house on fire, imaginary flames or not. It just isn't pleasant.

Today's blog is inpsired by this week's theme on fiveawesomegirls who were one of my first ever Youtube subscriptions. You can view their channel by clicking here.

1. The first thing I would grab would be my pets. I have two cats called Millie and Lucy and while I would like to believe they would exit their house of their own accord but they are pretty dumb. I have seen Lucy jump into a glass window face first. And oh... Millie on catnip. That girl has a drug problem. I think she definately needs assistance if there were a fire. She would be running back in screaming "not the catnipppp".

Side note: I am assuming my parents would be able to leave and I am therefore not using them in my list. But if they are around they can help me move my stuff. We could save my material safety net of a list in like 5 or even 3 trips! Team effort people - team effort.

2. My giraffe. When James first visited England in Sept 2008 we went to Cambridge. There was a market in the square and one of the stalls had handmade wooden giraffes (and other animals) that fit together. We bought them as a present to ourselves and now when we are together they are. And when we are apart we keep our giraffe on us so we are not alone.

The above picture was taken just after we got them. On the right is Berty and on the left is Gerty. I currently have Gerty sitting right in front of me. I hold her when I get sad or feel lost. It reminds me I do fit somewhere - I am the perfect fit with my Berty - James.

3. The Buffy box set. Having had the box set on my birthday and Christmas list since it was available I finally got it on my 21st birthday. My friends Michelle, Paul, Karen and Kimberly and my aunt Sue and sister Charles all picthed in to buy it for me. The are pretty awesome present buyers - for my 18th I got a free trip to Disneyland. They spoilt me.

4. Now if this list were in any kind of order then the Harry Potter books would have been first on my list. I don't have a fancy set (although I really want one) or anything; I just want to keep the books that changed my life. I want to keep the tatty, battered paperback Philosophers Stone which I have read so many times that the spine is scuffed at the edges and the binding is broken at the front of the book.

If I only had one trip (lets assume my cats did manage to work their way out by themselves) then I would take only the Philosopher's Stone book. I only need to look at it and I want to read it. In fact I have picked it up now and I think I may have to have a read. It is like a comfort blanket I guess.

5. My Snoopy collection would be a must to save. Unfortunately over 200 books and 200 objects I am probably not going to manage it all in one trip let alone 10. SO if I had to be ruthless I would chose Slide, Charlie Brown, Slide. This book has no monetary value, but its sentimental value makes it priceless to me, much like the Harry Potter books.

Slide, Charlie Brown, Slide was the first ever Peanuts book I purchased (or first I remember buying). It was the start of a huge collection although I do not have anything of great value. I do have a first edition hardback of 'I never promised you an apple orchard' but I don't think it would fetch much. I could write a while blog on the sentimental value of Peanuts memorabilia and what the strip means to me so I won't go on about it now.

The other two things Peanuts-wise would be a framed newspaper article and a limited edition Peanuts painting my parents bought me in the US. The article is from 12 December 1999, the last day that a Peanuts daily appeared in a newspaper. The clipping isn't the actual strip, it is an article about Charlie Brown's impact on the world. It is called 'Good Grief, the ball game's over'.

The painting, as I said is limited edition and is the next best thing to a Schulz original. After he died there were a very few artists across the US that became 'official' Peanuts artists. I have an original piece of art which depicts Snoopy kissing Lucy Van Pelt on the nose. It is a limited edition of 500 and I love it. It will be where everyone can see it when I have my own house.

6. I am going to put two different things together here although there is a link. James and I own a 15th scale model version of the Delorean from Back to the Future 2. It lights up and makes noises and we absolutely love it. It currently sits on my wardrobe in its box but when we have more space I am sure it will be on display for all to admire. The thign I am putting with this is James' diecast collectable Tardis. It tooks us quite a while of searching in various geek shops to find a good one that wasn't also a cookie jar. I couldn't leave it behind. (If you didn't get the link - it is that they are both time machines... and really nerdy).

7. Going back to Hogwarts for a moment (Gotta get back to Hogwarts, gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everybody thinks I'm coooool*) I would take my Harry Potter Hogwarts Express sign. It hangs from ceiling above my desk in my roomand says 'Hogwarts Express Platform 9 3/4' and I love it. I bought it from Whimsic Alley and if you want your own you can get it from here.

Oh and since I am taking the Hogwarts Express sign I musn't forget to take my J.K.Rowling letter. It is only an automated response but it says Owl Post on top which makes me so happy. I never sent Jo a letter until the day before the 7th book came out when I thanked her for everything she had done for me. Although I know she will probably never get to read it the letter is a reminder to always tell people how much you appreciate them.

*If you don't get this reference you haven't lived. Click here.

8. The next things is a caricature that I had done in Trafalgar Square, London when I was 10 years old. I love it so much and it is great to have a piece of original art as a memory rather than just photos. We got it done when I went to stay with someone I met on holiday.

I guess it also a reminder that deep down I am a confident person. When I was a child I would make friends in a snap on holidays such as Lisa, who I met (I think) at a Butlins in Margate, Kent. It was Lisa who I stayed with when we got our caricatures done. Looking back it is hard to believe I had the confidence to stay with a random family for 2 weeks without my parents! But then I can't believe I flew to Portland by myself last year either!

9. The achievement of mine I am most proud of is getting my degree with First Class honours. I would rescue two things to mark this achievement. One is my dissertation. Of course I have it on file in about 20 different places (Seriously - I was so scared I would accidentally delete it that I really did make that many duplicates) but I only have one printed and bound version. It has a plastic cover and a black hardback and looks fancy. It makes me feel smart.

I would also grab my actual degree which is framed and in our hall. This could be replaces I guess but it would take effort and it would just be easiest to take it. I could grab my dad's honorary doctorate as well. I'd feel bad if I saved my little ol' bachelor's degree and not his fancy doctorate. (By the way when we took this to be framed the framers accidentally tore it. They felt terrible and arranged for another one to be sent from Canada at their expense!)

10. The last thing I would save would actually be something for James. For his 30th birthday I got him a book signed by Harlen Coben, his friend and best-selling author. I knew that his friendship with Harlen meant a lot as he developed a bond while he was in Iraq. I emailed Harlen via his website asking if he could sign a book expecting to hear back from an agency administrator in 2 weeks. Harlen replied personally within a few hours (this is so impressive - seriously... best-selling authors must get tons of emails) and was more than happy to.

I think the fact that I got the book for James means a lot to him, and reminds me how amazing my boyfriend is to be respected by a famous author.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IS THERE ANYTHING IN YOUR ROOM THAT YOU WAKE UP AND SEE EVERYDAY AND IT JUST MAKES YOU SMILE?
My answer: I love waking up and seeing my wall behind my bed. It has a Star Trek poster, my Hogwarts Express sign, a Back to the Future poster, a Hogwarts emblem poster and my giant collage of pictures from my Portland trip last year. It makes me happy. Of course the best thing to wake up to is James who I get to see NEXT WEEK!

VCB 14: Meet Helen, Zeb and Charles

2010-06-22T19:07:00.014+01:00

This blog is where I tell you the story behind my username. 'Huzzah,' I hear you cry, 'no more long blogs about how we should support equality or how a cinema can be compared to a church'. I may get carried away with my topics. I like to ramble. I will try not to with today's (try being the operative word here).

So if for some strange reason you are unaware that I have a Youtube and Twitter account then you may not realise my chosen username is Helenzebcharles which is an alterego created by three pre-existing alteregos. Confused? Then please read on. But first I want to tell you that the idea for this blog came from my friend Heather who explained the story behind her username PinkPixieDF in her VidConBlog project. Click here to go and read it.

Helen

Helen is hopefully the most self-explanatory part of my username. I was named Helen on May 25th 1986 and while I wished there was a more interesting story it really was just because my parents liked it. And luckily I like it too - so much that I used it to create my Youtube alterego.

Side note - My middle name is Elizabeth which I am not so keen on. Although if it were my first name I could be referred to as Betty. But the reason for that would purely be because I love Betty Suarez.I could start a ramble here about how much I love the show Ugly Betty but I will save you all and move onto Zeb.

Zeb

Zeb is short for Zebedee and has a more interesting story surrounding it. When I was about 7 or 8 I started trampolining and, as I believe I have said in previous blogs, I actually had quite a talent for it. I got to the point where I was going to be sent to bigger trampolining school in the next town because I had outgrown the club I was at. Unfortunately this was about the time I threw my back out and could no longer trampoline. Sods law.

Anyway in Year 5 - when I was about 9 - I had a teacher called Miss Grix. She was a great teacher and really fun, smart person. I am of course excluding her trying to convert the class into Lighthouse Family fans. That is always going to be unforgivable. For the entire year I would listen to Ocean Drive only to realise the following year that when your teacher isn't insisting you listen to it the song is pretty dire. But I digress.

On Fridays Miss Grix - who was young and bubbly with curly hair - introduced reading the register with a nickname for everyone. Of course as children this made her the world's coolest teacher. She gave us nicknames! Wow! Although thinking about it she probably doesn't think that much of me - I think the last time I saw her when I was about 15 I was very drunk trying to convince her to go to a house party. I probably shattered her dreams that her kids would grow up relatively normal. But then I have already explained the Lighthouse Family scars.

So with my penchant for bouncing around on a sprung bed I naturally became Zebedee. Now to fill in Americans who may not know this reference; Zebedee is a children's television character from a show called The Magic Roundabout from the 1970s. You can watch an original episode by clicking here. In hindsight it was probably conceived by someone who had been a fan of the more liberal side of the 70s... if you get the gist.

Zebedee was basically a round head on a spring, who travels by bouncing about. Ah! You all see how this has neatly weaved into my story now! Anyway I really liked this nickname and over time my friend shortened it to Zeb - although I believe only one person of my friendship group continues to refer to me as Zeb.

Unfortunately adding an image here makes you all realise that I have been likened to a sunburnt male ping-pong ball with a moustache and a need for a comical polka dot bow tie. But I guess there are worse characters to be likened to. At least Zebedee was friends with a cow that carries a flower in her mouth and a dog with cute flowing hair. By the way I had a Dougal pencil case for quite a few years at High School. I think it is hard to make a pencil case out of a character primarily made of coiled wire...

Charles

The above picture is Christina Ricci and Tobey Maguire on set of the film 'The Ice Storm' which is where my third and final alter-ego is derive (stolen) from. Paul and Wendy, played by Maguire and Ricci, are siblings who share a rather dry and cynical sense of humour. Part of their relationship involves referring to each other only as Charles. My sister and I thought this was quite quirky and adopted the name for each other. (In the book most of the younger characters refer to each other as Charles but this is changed in the adaptation).

My sister and I always use our Charles alter-egos when writing cards or emails to each other. I also have her down as Charles in my phone. I must remember to bring back our habit of starting phone conversations with only 'Greetings Charles' which I miss. This is my favourite nickname and is for my sister only. It is pretty random but then I can't remember a reason in either the book or the film for the pseudonyms either!

So there you have it. My alter-ego is Helenzebcharles, a girl with three names for three different sides of me: original flavoured me, trampoline flavoured me and sisterly-love flavoured me.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF YOU HAD TO CHANGE YOUR USERNAMES WHAT WOULD IT BE TO?
My answer: I have some accounts registered as Appreciatethewalnut (well actually... just Photobucket I think) so I would go with this. People who have visited my Youtube channel page will notice that Appreciate the Walnut is, and always has been, my main tagline. I believe it was a phrase my sister and I came up with when savouring some coffee and walnut cake. You only get a small segment of walnut so never forget: appreciate the walnut!

VCB 13: I believe in equality. Be the change.

2010-06-21T17:48:00.014+01:00

This blog is about The Trevor Project, a charity that aims to prevent suicide and crisis in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and questioning youth community. I'll let Buck explain:

There are a lot of Youtube videos about this at the moment so I urge you to watch some 'Be the change' videos. In fact the whole thing IS actually a video contest... but I guess I like to be different. This is my support for the project and the the LGBTQ community in my way.

I am consider myself to be a very lucky person in that my parents brought my sister and I up to be open-minded, loving, accepting people. We were brought up to have our own opinions and articulate our feelings passionately and articulately-ish. Because I was brought up this way it means I am quite a liberal person. I believe in equality and I believe in human rights without discrimination. This is why I support the LGBTQ community.

As I so often do with my blogs I wish to go back to a bit, but I will come back to LGBTQ so bear with me. I remember the time when I finally understood the world and how I fitted into it, or rather how I wanted to fit into it. It was when I discovered the work of Amnesty International. This is an organisation - as I'm sure you are aware - that campaign "to protect people wherever justice, fairness, freedom and truth are denied."

When I first started reading about their work when I was entering high school (about 11 years old) I couldn't believe some of the things I read about such as: people being put in prison for helping females victims of domestic violence or creating peaceful trade unions; countries where telvision and radio are banned or censored; world banks that are funding cluster bombs or; people being held for years a prison camps without even a charge of any kind.

It made me realise three things:
1. I was a very lucky person to have the life I do.
2. Some people are living without their basic rights to freedom, justice, life etc.
3. I can do something about this.

The thing that most made me change the way I behave and think about the world is the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. If you are not aware then this is a document drawn up and signed by the General Assembly of the United Nations (of which many countries are a part) in 1948 to say these are the basic rights that all humans should have, irrespective of race, religion, sexuality, class or culture.

If you want to read the whole thing then you can click here to read it. But to give you the jist it says that all humans should have the right to freedom of conscience, have a nationality, fair trials, equal pay for equal work etc, and should be free from slavery, arbitrary detention (i.e. detention without charge), invasion of privacy etc.

When I read this document it was like a switch flicked in my head. Suddenly I realized... everyone should have equal rights. It seems so simple now looking back but there it was. That was the moment when I realised that I wanted to be a person who spoke up when she saw violations of justice or freedom or equality. Of course this 'simplified' way of thinking does come into difficulties. I often encounter people who think that, for example, if I don't agree with the death penalty then I think people should get away with murder when of course this couldn't be further from the truth.

I think where people go wrong when asked to consider the rights of minority groups such as the LGBTQ community: some people think they are being asked to give special treatment. Supporting the LGBTQ community for me isn't about discriminating against straight people - it is about recognising people as individuals. Equality isn't about saying everyone is the same - it should be about saying this person is Punjabi, that person is a lesbian, those people are gypsies, those people are Jewish but for it to not have any effect on your treatment of that person.

As I draw this blog (ramble) to a close I have to refer to Harry Potter... because it is what I do. When Jo Rowling announced Dumbledore was gay I understood why she hadn't said anything. It wasn't because it was a secret, or she was ashamed of her character, or she was scared of the reaction - it was because it hadn't occurred to her before to label each characters sexuality. For her Dumbledore being gay was probably as natural as other characters being straight.

This is my point. People don't need labeling by other people to be who they are: people should have the right to choose for themselves who they are and who they want to be. Someone standing up and saying I am a lesbian should feel no more scary than I would feel standing up and saying I am straight, or where someone who is questioning their sexuality can discuss it with their parents as they would their homework.

I want to live in a world where everyone can be proud of who they are without the fear of persecution, ridicule or shame. We aren't there yet. But we could be. This is why I am an ally of the LGBTQ community.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFRAID OF ADMITTING SOMETHING ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?
My answer: Like many Youtube I felt afraid at first of people not understanding my online life; of looking down at me because I am close to people who I make videos for each week than some of the people I went to school with. I have found that some people don't understand. But a lot of people do once I explain a bit more. And isn't that the key to everything, eh? Discussion over censorship.

Links:
The Trevor Project (US charity) - The Trevor Project is a non-profit endeavor established to promote acceptance for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth and to aid in crisis and suicide prevention among that group.
Lesbian and Gay Foundation (UK charity) -The Lesbian and Gay Foundation is working towards a world where we are free to live our lives without fear,without prejudice and without discrimination.

VCB 12: The pigeon detectives

2010-06-20T18:18:00.009+01:00

Today I thought I would tell you a story about something that happened today. If you are expecting from the title that it has something to do with English indie-rock band called The Pigeon Detectives then you are wrong. That was just my attempt to be witty and clever. My story is one of a real pigeon, a real chimney and a lot of guilt.

It started last night when my sister and I were picking a film to watch (we ended up picking American Beauty, one of my favourite films that I learnt I knew the entire script for almost - but this is irrelevant). While in the front room we heard a noise coming from the chimney; a kind of flapping. I said confidently: "Don't worry, it is just the chimney balloon being rattled by the wind". You may see where the 'lot of guilt' will come into play later on.

Thinking nothing more of it we watched our film and went to bed to sleep soundly until morning (which is Fathers Day! I love my dad!). After breakfast we were all sitting and chatting and Tom, my sister's husband, comes into the room and says: "There is a bird stuck in the chimney". Well... here was my chance to sound smart and knowing. I confidently turn to him and say: "No no no. It is the chimney balloon blowing in the wind".

This would have been the end of it but other people are smarter than me: the fact that today was not a windy day kind of suggested to the rest of my family that checking would be the best plan of action. So off they went while I sit with the true fact of the matter slowly dawning on me. Thus begins the guilt.

My dad and Tom shut themselves in the front room and removed the chimney balloon. At this point we hear more flapping, a feather falls out and see that the balloon (which is something to keep the draft out if you don't know) is covered in - to put it the nice way - poopy poop. The guilt intensifies.

Obviously we all knew the bird had to come out but unfortunately flying directly downwards through a gap only slightly bigger than its body doesn't come naturally to a pigeon - don't ask me why. And so a game of rattling a bamboo stick into the chimney began to encourage it to fly out began. It lasted a long time, and to be fair, really wasn't fun. At least I wasn't my dad or Tom who had the lovely job of sitting with their heads by the chimney ready to have a flippin' pigeon soar into their face.

Eventually the bird came out and, as you would expect, began to fly around the room not paying much attention to the walls and windows it was banging into. After about five laps Tom managed to grab the pigeon in a towel and let it go out of the window. It flew off very happy I'm sure to be free of the Abbott household.

At this point I have to stand up and say categorically: I was wrong. The chimney balloon wasn't flapping in the wind... it was flapping because a pigeon with an obesity issue was tap dancing on it to get my attention. Of course the guilt then sets in stronger upon entering the now bird-less room to find that it had splattered blood basically everywhere. I am sure it was fine because it flew off okay but even so... I feel like a terrible person!

We then had to rush around washing the walls, ceilings, curtains and carpet with wet cloths before the blood stained. It had also broke a glass photo framed and very slightly scratched the piano. But I feel asking for compensation would be a bit insensitive so I am willing to let it go. But rest assured I will be placing a note on our chimney asking bird to refrain from falling down the hole - I don't want to feel bad again!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE FUN OF A WILD BIRD SOMEWHERE IN YOUR HOUSE?
My answer: This isn't the first time we have had a bird in the house (in fact it has happened quite a lot - maybe we are a bird friendly family). There was one time that I was minding my own business in my bedroom at my old house when suddenly a bird flies out of the fireplace straight towards me. I of course scream and duck while the bird decided it wants to fly in circles pooping so that I had to spend the rest of the day wiping up shit. It was not pretty. But the bird was fine.

By the way in case you haven't heard of the band The Pigeon Detectives then this is my favourite song of theirs. Feel I should include something of theirs since I stole their title:

VCB 11: Favourites with a U

2010-06-19T19:25:00.008+01:00

I am not having a great couple of days and my blogging spirit has waned slightly. But don't worry! I am determined to complete the challenge! But rather than try and write a deep long blog while not in the mood - like yesterday's blog which received only two spambot comments - I am going to answer some questions that my friend Kayla did on her vlog. Click here to see it.

Q. Who was your favourite teacher?
A. Hmm, tricky one. I had a high school art teacher called Mr Jenkins who was pretty cool. He let us spend lunchtimes in the art room and we introduced him to the canteen chocolate cake. Whoever got to the snack trolley first had to buy everyone else one! Apart from the I guess my first ever teacher, Mrs Montague. I can't even remember why I liked her so much though!

Q. What is your favourite number?
A. I don't really have a favourite number but at a push I would say 7. I mean it *is* the most magically significant number (I am a Harry Potter nerd). I also like the number 129 because it is James' birthday and seems to pop up everywhere in our lives. For example when we first went to London our hotel room was 129! Plus James' favourite is 29 so I see it everywhere.

Q. What is your favourite fruit?
A. I LOVE strawberries in summer with a sprinkling of sugar or a dash of cream. Yumalicious. I also really love dark cherries - Blackforest Gâteau is the yum. See image below.

Q. What is your favourite holiday?
A. Well I think we would call these bank holidays in the UK as holiday to us is what people in the U.S. call vacation. Without a shadow of a doubt it is Christmas. I am a BIG Christmas person. I absolutely love it and we always have a fantastic one. This last one was the best ever because James' was there to share it with my family. He cried with happiness. He will of course deny this.

Q. What is your favourite store?
A. I don't really have a favourite high street shop but if I had an endless amount of money I would probably buy everything on Etsy. If you haven't heard of it; it is an online store that sells handmade goods from furniture to jewellry. It is well worth a look. You can find some really fascinating products. I just wish they would open a UK only store so I can view things in pounds not dollars! Click here to check it out.

Q. What is your favourite day of the week?
A. I guess I like Fridays because it can be either the end of the week or the beginning of the weekend to suit your plans. I don't like weekends when I have no one to share them with (big aww) which is most weekends. I end up sitting wasting my time! I actually look forward to Monday just to have something to do! This will change when James and I are together again of course!

Q. What is your favourite board game?
A. Settlers of Catan. I particularly like the Seafarers edition. If you haven't heard of Settlers of Catan (or have only heard of it because it is also Wheezy Waiter's favourite game) then the basic idea is to collect resources and use them to build towns, cities and connecting roads. It is highly addictive and once you have played it you get hooked.

Q. What is your favourite food?
A. Steak cooked medium. Fucking yum. And chocolate. Not with the steak of course. And when I say chocolate I mean anything other than Hershey's because Hershey's wouldn't know decent chocolate if it danced in front of its face singing "I am real chocolate"... naked.

Q. What is your favourite Disney channel singer?
A. I don't know any?! I don't have the Disney channel. And I'm... y'know... 24 years old! I'll go with Miley. No idea if she is Disney but she probably is.

Q. What is your favourite drink?
A. My favourite drink is tea. Proper English tea with milk. Really strong. No sugar. Can't beat it. If I don't get my cup of tea in the morning (double size with 2 teabags) then I can't function. I also really love milk. It is great when eating cheese, marmite on bread or chocolate. I used to love dry white wine but it gives me migraines a lot now - sad panda.

Q. What was your favourite subject at high school?
I really enjoyed art but not until Sixth Form when I was actually decent at it. Apart from that I enjoyed history, especially when we studied the history of medicine as well as the American West. I remember once playing a wagon trail game: we all had to write a list of things we would take on our wagon trail. Then the teacher read out different scenarios (such as bear attack or broken wheel) and we had to solve the problem using only what we had written down. It was really fun. I would have continued my studies of history into Sixth Form but you had to do boring stuff like the history of the Catholic church. I wanted to get stuck into Ancient civilisations!

Q. What is your favourite colour?
A. Purple or green. Short and sweet answer.

Q. What is your favourite season?
A. Winter! Because it is the season with Christmas in it! I also love snow and ice. It is a pain in the arse but it is so beautiful. This winter was a particularly cold one and the whole country came to a standstill (we only have one salt mine I think and no one has tyre spikes). James and I walked my mum to and from work and the trees and streets were so magical. It was like a fairytale.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE YOUTUBE CHANNEL?
My answer: I of course love the Vlogbrothers and Vlogtag (my collab channel - link to the left) but if I had to pick another one it would, without a doubt, be Wheezy Waiter. That guy cracks me up. You can check him out here.

VCB 10: My holy crusade is to Hollywood

2010-06-18T21:39:00.011+01:00

James and I are not religious beings, although our church has four walls like most do, it has pews of sort, and it has people coming together to experience something as one group. The difference is that rather than watch a preacher; we watch the latest film release. It may seem ridiculous... but our church is the cinema. Gee I can't wait to see Los Angeles; the home of Hollywood!

I guess most people turn to religion to better themselves, to be the best they can be in this pretty dismal world we currently live in. Holy texts have stories of hope, morals, trials that must be overcome and messages of faith in humanity. I can get this all from films. It may take a little interpretation but every film is some kind of comment on reality, society, love, friendship, hate, war, crime, happiness, longing, etc. Watching films is a way of discovering how other people view the world, and what we can learn from those stories.

Now, perhaps I am alone in these feelings but I think my attitude is a lot to do with my degree. I have learnt how to analyse and critique a film. I am in a position where I could look at a big budget money-machine blockbuster and find some kind of truth, some kind of comment on the culture in which it is set. This of course extends to any kind of media such as adverts or television. In fact my favourite television programme Buffy says so much about the time it was first introduced to the small screen, and deals with so many issues, it is probably one of the best examples of influential TV there is.

Buffy was first show on television inn 1997 which, if you'd care to reminisce for a moment, is the same year that the Spice Girls introduced the world to a thing called Girl Power. Up until that point most female leads were either pretty but dumb or strong but masculine. The Spice Girls and programme like Buffy were finally showing girls that you can care about boys and fashion but still be a strong, powerful individual.

I would talk more about Buffy but I might as well direct you to a Helium (online writers website) essay of mine. I actually wrote it for a class although it was one of my lower marked essays so don't expect too much. Here is an excerpt from the beginning which emphasises my point: "Like the vampire (Darla Julie Benz) in the opening credits the protagonist, Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) appears to be the stereotypical damsel in distress; she is the pure Californian girl with long blonde hair, a bubbly personality and an interest in shopping. However our heroine could not be further from the flighty bimbo the audience expects her to be". Click here to read the full (not very good but okay) essay.

Anyway back to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. I am under no illusions about the world of big budget cinema - I know that they are purely a way for rich people to become richer. But scratch beneath the surface and there is a lot you can learn should you just think a little deeper. Taking a section from my 10,000 dissertation on Back to the Future as an example: think of the 50s Hill Valley compared to the 80s Hill Valley. At a glance the sets are simply that - a prop to tell the story. But think about it more and you see how the once prosperous urban areas of the town have been replaced by suburban commercail and residential estates over the 30 year time difference. If that isn't a social comment on the de-urbanisation of inner cities I don't know what is.

But I fear I am boring you so I will conclude: while I am not honestly suggesting that being a film reviewer is anything like a religious faith in reality I hope you have a new understanding of cinema and will perhaps look closer at the next films you watch. It takes a lot of courage to stand up and herald Hollywood cinema as as worthy of our attention as any other medium or art form. While the finished product may have had a crew of thousands and a budget of millions, like so many things it started as a tiny spark in the brain of an average human being (the write of Finding Nemo said, when he won his Oscar, that he was glad everyone enjoyed his little story about fish).

Of course saying all that some films are pure shite and have no deeper meaning than that it is mildly funny is an elephant urinates.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A FILM THAT HAS CHANGED THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT SOMETHING?
My answer: Erin Brockovich is one of my favourite films. Whenever I feel sad about humanity I remember that true story and know that it only takes one person to want to fight for justice, to do what is right and good, to stand tall and be heard - to make a difference.

VCB 09: Confessions of a ShopaHateIt

2010-06-17T20:30:00.007+01:00

It is my friend Heather's birthday. Go read her blog and wish her a happy birthday.

For my birthday way back in May my parents said they would buy me summer clothes. And today my mum and I had a shopping trip to buy those clothes. It was really fun, but usually I hate shopping - this blog will explain why.

Now let me begin by clarifying something: I am like any other girl. Whether we admit it or not we all get a kick out of buying a new top, or a new skirt, or even a new set of pyjamas. New clothes can make a person feel confident, stylish and, lets face it, sexy. (Today I got some lacy leggings and my first ever rara skirt and I am fully prepared to feel fantastic in them the first time I wear them in public). However the actual act of shopping I am not so hot on.

My main reason is what I like to call 'the boob debacle'. Basically if you are not an exact C cup, high street tops are not really made for you - probably because they are trying to do an 'average' woman. Now if you are not aware I have qute large breasts. I cannot count the number of times I see a pattern, colour or style I like only to pick it up and see how my boobs would be about 25% covered, 75% exposed. And while indecent exposure is sometimes an exciting prospect - it isn't really for me.

I should say that my flat chested friends have the opposite problem i.e. extra material where it shouldn't be, which is equally annoying. Well I guess slightly less annoying. At least flat chester people can pad at little cost. Big boobed women simply have to buy a fitted top which I can tell you can cost a lot of money.

This is my main pet peeve. My other big shopping 'argh' is sales. I love a bargain like anyone else but the layout of a sale hurts my brain. Perhaps sales bring out the obsessive, anal side of my nature, but I just can't stand to look at a size 18 next to a size 6; a skirt next to pajamas; the fault goods mixed in with the clearance. And to make it worse sales-lovers are maniacs and for some unknown reason feel the need to leave at least two of the items they browse draped across the rail without a hanger, or worse on the floor.

Of course worse than sales are budget shops which is basically what I described above... but in the entire shop! Apparently the shoppers think that if they don't trample on the products and shove the other customers out of the way then it is not a successful shopping trip.

Shopping reminds me how I am not a confident person, although my fashion choices have got more bold in the last few years. I have been scared to try new styles. I find intimidated when I go into a shop with so many beautiful styles that I feel I could never wear. Deep down I know I could where them, if only I had that 'Carrie' confidence (Carrie from Sex and the City... not pigs blood Carrie).

Side note - I just did a review of Sex and the City 2 on my other blog. Click here to view it.

I did learn something today though - when someone else is paying for your clothes you are much more willing to try something new. Next time I go shopping I am going to force myself to try on things I otherwise would have dismissed, and perhaps I can understand the 'fun' of shopping and finally be a true girly-girl.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT ITEM OF CLOTHING DO YOU WANT TO BUY BUT NEVER* WILL? *NEVER SAY NEVER.
My answer: I would love to buy a maxi dress but I am not convinced I could pull it off.

VCB 08: Fated, waited, matriculated

2010-06-16T15:48:00.008+01:00

This blog is about high school and was inspired by an Owlssayhooot (Kayley) video. She is graduating from high school on Friday and reminisced about some stand out moments. (Side note - in the UK you don't graduate except for at private school. At regular schools you just don't come back after exams... and that is it). Anyway have a watch and then carry on reading:

So like a lot of people who truly understand the value of a good education high school was pretty awful for me. I am not if I would have gone, given the choice, because who wants to go a place where everyone labels you. Teachers label you are a 'good' or 'bad' student (me being the former) and the popular kids labelling you 'nerdy' or 'cool' (also the former).

Unfortunately back in those days - it is 8 years since I finished compulsory education at aged 16... wow I feel old all of a sudden - I didn't have the internet in the same way I do now. I am now part of a community that is dedicated to helping people feel included; that tells you that whoever you are is awesome, and that nerdy isn't something to be ashamed of. I wish someone told me that sooner.

For most of my time at high school I was bullied with teachers really not caring two squits about it. For example one time some girls threw metal cans at me during a lunchbreak. I told our head of year - as all good children are meant to do - and she said she would talk to them about it. When she came back to me she said: "Well they said that you actually threw cans at them. I think this is six of one and half a dozen of the other". Oh how I wish I was joking. I don't even think I could be bothered to argue. I just put up with it after that.

Of course I did have some amazing friends at school and with them I formed some awesome memories whether that be listening to Eminem in my friend's back garden full blast, having sleepovers with copious amounts of Chinese takeaway, wearing red pyjamas to school to fundraise or inventing a style of dance based on the movement of a crab in the art rooms. But in a nutshell (how did I get into this nutshell?), and to refer to my title today: as a nerdy girl with glasses I was fated to be teased; then I waited high school out; then I matriculated.

Going into Sixth Form felt so different - like a whole new world (stop thinking of Aladdin) of school and education. If you don't know Sixth Form is the two years of school post compulsory age i.e. when you are 17-18 years old. Because the people who were in Sixth Form had chosen to be there the social segregation and labelling died off a bit.

This was a time of happier memories probably due to not having to wear a school uniform and being able to go home whe you didn't have classes. It was a time of discovering my indepence, my style and the type of person I want to be. Of course it took me until I discovered Vlogbrothers and Vlogtag (the best collab channel in the world) to truly learn who I was: me.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT SUBJECT WOULD YOU TEACH AT HIGH SCHOOL?
My answer: I would either teach film/media studies (sine I have a first class degree in it now) or probably art! I at least know I could do better than my high school art department who didn't even have canvases, tubes of watercolour, oil paints, or any kind of teaching of techniques. But I still love art!

VCB 07: How to be a radio presenter

2010-06-15T17:58:00.011+01:00

If you are brand spanking new to my blog then you may not know that I am a community radio presenter with my boyfriend (when he is in the right country of course).

Tonight I am attending an event called 'Meet the Presenters' where members of the public come to mix with the stars... or rather grab a beer, have a chat and for the stars to hide in a corner until it is over. I should be looking forward to it but mostly I am just terrified. Anyway since I am doing that event tonight it seems fitting that you guys meet me, Helen the presenter, and for me to tell you a bit about how to create the perfect(ish) radio show.

Firstly you need a good topic or theme to your show. James (my boyfriend) and I had already started a film review blog at the time we started our radio show (you can find the link to it in the left panel of my blog). It therefore seemed natural that we should carry on that theme, or brand if we want to sound fancy and commercial, and began He said, she said - Felixstowe Radio's twice weekly film show! We talk about what we love and therein lies the key.

Secondly you need to think about the kind of music that you want to play. It might be that your theme directly relates to music, which a lot of the shows on Felixstowe Radio do i.e. Dance with Nigel, AdMix Grooving, Tru to the Cause etc are all music based. If however you have picked a talk show, like James and I did, then it is important you understand your target audience. We play a mix of songs from a diverse range of soundtracks. If your show is the middle of the day talking about women's troubles then perhaps playing AC/DC Iron Man tracks isn't the best idea.

Thirdly you should plan plan plan. James and I plan out every show. We generally have 4 sections of film discussion, plus an intro, goodbyes, and a movie trivia section (having set sections in each show creates a familiarity for listeners). Advert breaks are dictated by the station to be at 20 past and 10 to the hour. The songs therefore have to be worked out around this. I plan about two days before all the songs and timings of when to play them. I even work out when the last song should start playing... to the second. It may seem anal but it works!

Fourthly, have fun with it. If you are enjoying your show then the listeners will also. You will find this happens naturally. If you hav had a bad day then the studio becomes your little bubble. You want to make listeners happy and this lifts you, and vice versa. It may be unerving the first time (every time) but you get an adrenaline rush almost and you always come out buzzing (and sometimes exhausted... but in the good way).

Of course there is obviously more to it than than such as creating promos and trails, publicizing your show through social networking sites, building a fan base, using the music system effectively, understanding the equipment, creating interaction during your show etc. But the basics of theme, music, plan, fun are the main things you need to get going.

Only a short blog today. This radio star has to leave for hair and make-up for my red carpet event!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF YOU WERE TO START A RADIO SHOW, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR TOPIC OR THEME?
My answer: If I had to pick something other than films I would probably do a 50s rock and roll music themed show with facts and trivia in between songs.

VCB 06: Pff, it is just double jointedness right?

2010-06-14T17:01:00.010+01:00

Today I want to tell you a bit about something that affects me every day of my life - hypermobility syndrome. The reason being that my bronco inflicted injuries (see VCB 04) are causing me to hobble around and so it seems fitting I have a bit of a moan here on my blog. Saying that I hope you will find it more interesting than ranty! I aim to inform and entertain!

Firstly let me address the title question: "Is it just double jointedness?"

"Double jointed?" - yes, more or less. It is where joints are highly flexible, for example athletes and gymnasts are usually hypermobile. But "just?" - no, not at all. It is more than just because "just" can't affect how you live your life. For a small minority of people, myself included, the flexibility of the joints cause injury and pain.

Going back to the very beginning for a moment, I was actually born with dislocated hips. Words cannot express how happy I am that I cannot remember this! I have expereienced subluxed joints (partial disclocation) which is painful enough as it is! Apparently when I was two my parents found out I would have bad joints for my whole life after I was referred to a consultant. And it turned out that consultant was spot on!

When I was a child I loved being active whether it be trampolining, cycling or general playing, however I always complained afterwards. I remember several times complaining to family that I couldn't walk any further when we out for the day (some of my relatives still think I was just being lazy). I can also remember my childhood injuries that led to my diagnosis.

When I was about 8 years old I tore a tendon in my left knee. I am not sure how I did this (possibly trampolining) but it led to my first xrays and my first ever physio sessions. A few years later, when I was about 11, I had more xrays and physio because I threw my back out. The back injury was a trampolining injury sustained during a move called the 'cradle' - a move where you back drop and then twist into a second, opposite facing backdrop. It hurt and I was banned from trampolining due to my back. Unfortunately it was the only sport I ever showed talent in! I could even do somersaults. But dem de brakes!

After that I was x-rayed, physio-ed and blood tested on a regular basis until a consultant finally diagnosed me with hypermobility when I was about 16. Of course anyone who has a chronic health problem will know that a diagnosis doesn't really mean much in terms of pain relief. I have tried everything for that: physio (which is rehabilitative so doesn't work), painkillers (at one point I counted about 17 pills a day for pain relief. I have since decided to go pill free where possible. I don't like thinking about how my liver is coping with all that medicine), and pain management.

Pain management is basically a nice way of specialist nurses saying "put up with it". And so I do. In fact I have had joint pain every day since I was about 19 and - without trying to sound like a martyr but going to end up sounding like it anyway - it is just part of life now. I have accepted that a full time job may never be achievable for me because of the strain on my joints and that when I think about big events I also have to schedule in several days of rest afterwards.

Before I end this hopefulyl interesting and not depressing blog I urge you to read The Spoon Theory. This is a personal story of someone living with a chronic illness and gives a good insight if you are not sure what this might mean for daily life.

To end I want to say that while I sometimes want to trade in my joints for some new ones I am happy and I surrounded by supportive and understanding people. When I say that hypermobility is part of my life it is a positive thing. I am lucky enough to have people like James who help me accept my pain and deal with it as best I can. The important thing is to not let it affect my enjoyment of life. And considering I am going to Los Angeles this summer... I think it is safe to say I don't!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHEN SOMETHING GETS YOU DOWN WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT ALWAYS CHEERS YOU UP?
My answer: A Buffy DVD marathon usually does the trick. And of course my James always makes me happy.

VCB 05: When I say sportz, you say nutz!

2010-06-13T12:41:00.015+01:00

Today's blog is going to be about sportz (nutz!). Don't worry if you are not a sportz (nutz!) fan - I will try to keep it interesting for you. If you have watched the video above, which I myself watched in preparation for my blog (I may or may not own the entire Lonely Island album) then you will understand my seriousness levels today. In fact while I like football - or soccer if you are from the USA - I am not a sport mad person. More on that later, let me take it back to the beginning.

When I was 4 my dad took me to my first ever football match. It was an FA Cup match, Ipswich v Hartlepool, in 1991 and I insisted on taking a mini England flag. It was so long ago that we were in a standing section, which of course is now illegal to have in the top leagues. My dad informs me the score was 4-1 to Ipswich, who are my team, and I guess I must have liked it because I have been a supporter ever since. I started attending games regularly until I was about 13 or so when my parents bought me a season ticket. I have had one ever since up until the upcoming season.

Now here I want to make an important distinction: I attend football matches as an Ipswich Town supporter rather than a football fan. I class a football fan as someone who can recite statistics from the last 30 years about any number of given teams, or someone who knows every detail about all the top leagues throughout the whole year. I am not ashamed to admit that my poor brain doesn't have that kind of memory capacity, no matter how hard I try. I am content following my team, supporting them by attending matches, openly rooting for them and enjoying the game itself.

I have two highlights from my history as a football supporter. One was seeing an England vs Croatia friendly at Portman Road, Ipswich's home football ground (we won 3-1). Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, I saw Ipswich win the Division 1 Play-off Final against Barnsley in 2000. This match was at Wembley Stadium which was an incredible venue. The best part was driving over a bridge in our coach that went over Wembley Way and seeing a sea of blue and red (I am astounded to have found the picture online of this very sight - see below). It was one of those scenes that you felt in your heart and stomach.

As I mentioned I am not actually a big sports fan. I watch the Olympics out of interest but apart from football I only really watch Wimbledon. Not tennis in general mind you; just Wimbledon. I think I feel it is my British duty to watch all of the tennis players in their formal whites while the spectators enjoy their strawberries and cream. I wasn't always a Wimbledon watcher though - I used to hate it! I don't know about other people but I find once you grasp the rules of a game you then begin to like it.

I hope I haven't alienated my non-sports-fan readers! Considering it is the Fifa World Cup I hope you have allowed me just one blog to have a little footy talk. Speaking of the World Cup, I think our goalkeeper Green's despair in the picture below is shared by most England fans. Even the US goalie Howard said "I wanted to be happy about our goal but I had to feel bad for Green". Nevermind - bring on Friday's game!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF THERE WAS A TV IN YOUR ROOM PLAYING CONTINUOUS SPORTS, WHAT SPORT WOULD IT BE?
My answer: It would be football or failing that it would be tennis.

So originally this question was 'If there was a TV in your room 101' so the answer I originally put was to that question:
Probably cricket or volleyball. I find neither inspiring. But then again with nothing else to watch at all maybe I would end up loving them! I had to come and change this when I realised! I don't want people thinking I like cricket!

VCB 04: ... go together like a horse and carriage

2010-06-12T17:12:00.013+01:00

VidConBlog: In 26 days I will be attending VidCon in Los Angeles. I will be writing a blog every day until July 9th 2010. Don't forget to answer my question of the day at the bottom.

Yesterday was the wedding of one of my best friends, Michelle Smith, to her boyfriend of 8 and a half years, Paul Bateman. Having only been to three weddings (including this one, and two only this year) I feel I should be able to ramble a bit about love and marriage, which (as the title says) go together like a horse and carriage.

So the wedding: it was a very surreal day - in the positive way - all round. There was only close family at the ceremony meaning that when I first saw the bride and groom they were already married. How bizarre to think after knowing them for their whole relationship. I remember straightening my hair and looking at my watch realising "they are probably saying 'I do' right now".

The reception was much as you'd expect with speeches, cake cutting, the first dance and a bucking bronco. Okay so the last one maybe a bit more unusual! The bucking bronco was perfect for their wedding. Michelle and Paul are probably the most outrageously funny and wild two sensible people I know. Perhaps I should have expected a twist on proceedings after all.

The boys were straight on the bronco with the girls all realising they were going to flash their knickers. Luckily Michelle had a spare pair of leggings in the wedding car and so the girls proceeded to don them in turn and have a go themselves (with the exception of my pregnant sister - probably not such a good idea with a bump).

I was pretty convinced I would master the bronco having previously won one. Unfortunately I forgot two things: I was 9 at the time so it is really too long ago to be a fair comparison and also I am probably weaker now what with the joints of an 80 year old. Let me just say that I am feeling it today and leave it at that. Suffice it to say I did not win.

The whole reception was so much fun with a lot of dancing and loud singing (my favourite was singing Don't Stop Believin' with the groom's brother who fyi was in his official RAF uniform earlier). However there was something missing from the night, and that was James. Having been at weddings both single and taken I can definitely say that it is worse knowing you have someone but that person being 5000 miles away. When all the couples joined the newlyweds during the first dance I may have burst into tears...

Despite the tears it got me thinking about how lucky I have. I have someone who thinks the world of me, who shares my passions and sense of humour, who loves me unconditionally and all from 5000 miles away. Some people say being apart makes you stronger and while I disapprove with this being used as a segway to 'lets sleep with other people' I do agree it is true in many ways.

Imagine for a moment that James and I lived next door to each other. I am not sure we would be as strong and close as we are now. Living 5000 miles apart when starting a relationship does mean you build up an unbreakable sense of trust and honesty and belief that you are meant to be together. You have to work much harder to be together and when you finally are you can truly appreciate it.

Michelle and Paul had a similar start to their relationship with him living 3 hours away doing an engineering degree. They were my proof that when you can make long distance work you know you have something special. James and I are also now testament to that and are ready to be together full time.

If I have learnt one thing from my friends' relationships and my own it is this: Relationships don't just happen, you have to work at it - but if you are prepared to work for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the rest of your life then your love is indestructible.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF TIME AND MONEY WERE NO OBJECT WHAT QUIRKY THING WOULD YOU HAVE OR DO AT YOUR IDEAL WEDDING (EITHER FOR YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE)?
My answer: I think having a bouncy castle would be fun. Or getting everyone to make a naked body cast would be quite interesting.

VCB 03: Harry who?

2010-06-11T11:11:00.007+01:00

VidConBlog: In 27 days I will be attending VidCon (a Youtube conference) in Los Angeles where I will meet my amazing friends and maybe make some more. I will be writing a blog every day until July 9th 2010. Please leave feedback and suggestions for blogs in the comments. I have a question of the day at the bottom.

Hello my name is Helen and I am addicted to Harry Potter. It started when I was 11 and I had a book voucher. I went into my local independent bookstore and was browsing when something caught my eye. Facing outward on the shelf was a boy with a lightening scar on his head. He was standing in front of a bit red train that said Hogwarts on it. There were stars and smoke surrounding the scene. By the way that thing about never judging a book by it's cover? Guess what? Not always true. I fell in love with the cover and I fell in love with the book.

The reason I am telling you this is because my friend Chris is doing a Master's degree in adaptation and is using Harry Potter for his final paper. As one of his Harry Potter friends I had some conversations with him to get some ideas flowing and giving him some insight into the fan world. Doing this reminded me how much I love the book series. Thus the blog of love today.

By the way before you read on please take 5-10 minutes to fill in his survey. It will be a big help and, if you are anywhere near as nerdy as me, you should never pass up a survey. They're fun! Click here for the survey. If for some reason the link doesn't work please tweet @chrisgreen87.

So thinking about the adaptations - I am in the lucky position to be able to separate the films from the book in my mind. By this I mean I can watch the films and enjoy them without it having any effect on my feelings toward the book series. I understand that the films are just one person's interpretation (or a group of people) and as long as the themes stay true, such as love, friendship and above all choice, then I am ok with Warner Brothers letting loose. Of course this isn't to say I come out and completely rip apart the film stating every single bit they missed out that I think they shouldn't have *cough*flippingexplainthemaraudersmap*cough* but then that is part of the fun.

For most of the fans I know the films are welcomed. With the book series over the films continue and extend the Harry Potter phenomenon so as it doesn't fade from pop culture. Even after the films are over there will still be the theme park to visit, the encyclopedia to read, merchandise to buy etc. In the words of the Parselmouths "this is never gonna end".

Harry Potter isn't just a book series. It is a culture, a community, an ideology. Starting the series when I was 11 means that I grew up with Harry Potter. It sounds cheesy but the lessons Harry learns, the hardships that are faced and overcome by the trio; these things had an impact on how I view the world. That people have a choice to be who they want to be and that the people that you share your life with are more important than you ever know.

I could rant more about Harry Potter but 1) I don't want to make you all sick and 2) I have a wedding to get ready for (tell you more tomorrow). Don't forget to answer the question below and to fill in Chris' survey.

Helen

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT HARRY POTTER FILM CHARACTER DO YOU THINK IS CLOSEST TO THE BOOK? OR IF YOU HAVEN'T READ HARRY POTTER WHAT IS THE BEST BOOK CHARACTER YOU'VE SEEN PORTRAYED ON FILM?

My answer: I think Hagrid is closest to the character in the book. This is unsurprising since Robbie Coltrane was Jo's inspiration. I also think Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood is spot on.

VCB 02 - When I grow up I want to be...

2010-06-10T16:38:00.010+01:00

VidConBlog: In 28 days I will be attending VidCon (a Youtube conference) in Los Angeles where I will meet my amazing friends and maybe make some more. I will be writing a blog every day until July 9th 2010. Please leave feedback and suggestions for blogs in the comments. I have a question of the day at the bottom.

I thought that for my blog today I would tell you a bit about my aspirations and future career. I decided to do this because my friend Heather, who is also blogging every day until VidCon, wrote about her career options in her last blog. My friend Mary Kate also talked about her career in astronautical engineering on the second of her vlogs every day until VidCon. You can watch it here.

So let me start from the beginning. When I was a baby my parents wrote in my baby book that I would grow up to be a mountaineer or rock climber. I find this quite ironic since just two years later a doctor said I would have problems with my joints for my whole life. They actually forgot to mention this until I was about 16 but it wasn't really a problem - I personally never felt the impulse to climb mountains except in the metaphorical sense.

When I was a young child I went through the usual 'little girl' phases. I remember wanting to be a nurse (never a doctor!), a hairdresser and a vet (never a veterinary nurse!). I went through a phase of being in love with owls and had visions of being a bird of prey trainer, but it didn't last very long. The career aspiration that is. Birds of prey are still amazing creatures in my opinion.

As I started getting a bit old I began really enjoying art and I considered taking it up professionally. Unfortunately I wasn't the best artist in the world at the time. I enjoyed crafts and watercolour but my talent was lacking. I did improve when I did an art A-level (you can see some of my art by clicking here) but alas I had given up on the dream by this point. Thinking how long it takes me to do a single piece of art (I haven't finished a Wicked painting I started about 9 months ago yet) I probably wouldn't have had the most comfortable living.

While I was in high school I was bullied and labelled 'uncool'. Despite having a great time with my friends I did have a crisis of confidence. By the time I got to Sixth Form I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. My tutors of course were very supportive with comments such as "You have direction in your life?" and "Maybe one day you'll decide what you want to do". As such I left further education feeling a bit, to use a technical term, crap.

It took me six months of watching my friends go off to university to realise that I wanted to continue studying. My aunt found out that I could apply to start university in February and so I started my Film and Media degree. During the six months I had had a revelation. At one point I started a job at my local hospital in the pathology department. It was very mundane and repetitive work and I lasted only a week. However it made me realise that whatever I did it HAD to be creative. I might not be the best artist in the world, but that has nothing to do with a person's level of creativity.

Ever since a young age I knew I wanted to do a job that would benefit people in some way - something charity or public service based rather than a commercial company. As I did my degree I discovered what my ultimate dream would be, and here it is: to work for Richard Curtis at Comic Relief on the creative or publicity teams. Comic Relief is my favourite charity because it is about fundraising that any person can take part in. It makes chairty accessible to people who shy away from other forms of fundraising such as direct marketing or magazine adverts.

With this as my ultimate goal when I finished my degree I swore to find a job that both helped people and allowed me to be creative. It took almost 9 months but I found the perfect job as a communications officer at a mental health trust where I still work now. After almost 2 years of this job I am still learning new things, I still know that I am making a difference in some way, and I can be creative. It can be stressful as hell, but it is always fun or interesting.

I enjoy having a job related to my degree. Film and Media Studies is of course the the study of certain forms of communication. My paid job, along with my new endeavours into film reviewing with my boyfriend (through our blog and radio show He said she said), I feel like it took me a while to work it out, buI am on the right path. In conclusion: when I grow up I want to be a communications expert.

My blogs won't always be this long, don't worry! But this was just too fun to write! Hope you enjoyed reading. Don't forget to answer the question of the day in the comments.

Helen

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IS THERE A JOB OR CAREER PATH YOU CAN JUST NEVER SEE YOURSELF CONSIDERING?
My answer: Seeing as I have trouble adding single numbers in my head I will say mathematician. I will leave that career path to my dad.

VCB 01 - 29 days and counting

2010-06-09T20:10:00.006+01:00

Some of friends are vlogging every day until we all meet up at the Youtube conference VidCon. As such as I have decided to join in by blogging every day until July 9th 2010. Ideas for what to blog about will always be welcome. Please comment so I know you've read it and enjoy!

My first blog feeds of this video by Kayla - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97FaNFRyBUY - where she answers some questions posed to her. I am going to answer the same questions:

1. If you could go back in time and speak to your 15 year old self, what one thing would you say to yourself.

This is a tricky one... mainly for the reason that I have an insanely bad memory and can't remember last week, let alone last decade. But knowing how I was at around that age I would tell myself that there are people out there like my sister, like me, like my nerdier friends. There is a whole community of people who appreciate being yourself and who love learning and fan-girling and nerding out.

I guess I would say 'it is cool to be uncool'. But then I may have just looked at me weird... this is of course assuming that the universe doesn't implode which is - as the expert Doc Brown explains - a possibility of coming into contact with yourself from a different. time. Maybe I would just faint. Hopefully I wouldn't randomly become a different person in the second film... but that is a rant for another time (blog).

2. If you had a boat what would you name it?

Easy. I would call it Graham. This is the name of my cat who passed on a few years ago. It is the world's coolest name... btu not for humans. Only for animals or inanimate objects. I would also have a tagline on the boat's arse saying "This boat is real". If you don't understand this then you must Youtube The Lonely Island immediate-a-mo.

3. What was your best birthday ever?

The first birthday that jumps to mind would be my 18th. This is the biggie here in England - the one where drinking becomes legal and you start on the slippery slope to realising binge drinking is NOT sexy or clever. The reason I say 18th was because my parents bought me the most amazing gift ever, although sadly one I can't keep forever. They had the night skky - from the day I was born - painted onto the ceiling of my room. It took one man an entire afternoon, or maybe longer. It is amazing. I also found out it was a full moon and a comet was in the sky when I was born!

My friends Karen, Michelle and my sister Katherine also took me to Disneyland Paris. It may fit into the car park for Disneyworld Florida but come on! It is freakin' Disneyland! But then again for my 21st I had a rock and roll themed party. My sister even bought me an a-lined fancy dress outfit. This was pretty amazing... seriously. Plus my friend MIchelle fell down our stairs drunk and broke out bookcase with her head. Aaahh the lolz.

4. In a film of your life what actor or actress would play you?

I discussed this on my radio show last week actually. I would have Thora Birch play me. She can be sweet and cute btu also had that darker moody side which would definately appear in a film about me. I can go one better than just Thora Birch though - I will tell you who should play James, my boyfriend...

IN my mind there is just one person, and I am bummed that Americans won't know who he is.... JAMES CORDEN. First he has the same name which will, y'know, make it easier when portraying the role... or something. Secondly I think he looks likes James. And thirdly I love him to bits!

I copy and pasted a video of him accepting his BAFTA (the British Emmys) below so you can judge whether he would make a good James but I recommend that you do a bit of reasearch. He is fantastic. And he lives with Dominic Cooper (aka the hot boyfriend from Mamma Mia... you know.... the character that sings half a song not very well).

5. Is there something you do that not many others know about, that would help them if they knew to do it?

Confusing question alert. I am not really sure I understand this question but I think it is something that other people would benefit from that I do... so I am sharing my worldly knowledge? Hmm... I hate honey. Except when I am feeling down. Then I drink warm milk with a teaspoon of melted honey in. There you go - now if I'm sad you all know what to do. And if you are sad you have something new to try to cheer you up!

That is my first blog. Only 28 to go! I look forward to this project - stick around.

Helen